Sunday, September 30, 2001

They Might Be Giants

No one wants to hear this maybe, but here's a "review" of the TMBG show Saturday night. The Incredible Moses Leroy opened for them, and they were cool, showing 1980s-based video collages in the background during most of the songs. When John Linnell and John Flansburgh came out, it was cool to finally see them in person, and that's always my favorite part of any show: just seeing them for the first time. The music isn't as important to me, since I can hear that at home. I had a good place, on a slight platform so I could see over everyone's head on the floor. The only good place on the floor would have been in front of the stage, but I learned my lesson when I went deaf at the Modest Mouse show (sorry, Steph, that you didn't get to see them) and I'd rather have a clear shot of them all rather than having to hurt my neck staring at one of them. It was probably the most entertaining show ever, though the first Magnetic Fields show I went to is still my favorite in terms of overall magic. TMBG is easily second, even over the other two TMF shows I went to.

The songs they played, and a comment about the more gimmicky performances:

1. James K. Polk –I involuntarily went “whoo!” when the big-confetti machine popped when they hit the words “James K. Polk.”
2. Cyclops Rock – They didn’t do the “somebody took my eye” intro, but they still cyclopsily rocked.
3. I’ve Got a Fang
4. I Palindrome I – They introduced this as “our mothers’ favorite song” since the first line is “Someday mother will die and I’ll get the money. Mom leans down and says ‘My sentiments exactly, you son of a bitch.’”
5. Bangs
6. Lie Still, Little Bottle – Flansburgh brought out a 12 ft. stick, introduced as “the stick,” explaining, “The stick wants to perform tonight, but the stick is shy. It has a microphone attached to one end and a Yamaha chip attached to the other end which only plays one sound: Phil Collins’ snare drum from 1986.” Which it did, and he banged the stick on the ground with the song so the drum would sound and then held the mic end out every now and then while people sang.
7. Birdhouse In Your Soul
8. She’s An Angel
9. Subliminal – Linnell looked cool squeezing out the opening notes on his accordian.
10. The Famous Polka – The one where the crowd looked like they might almost mosh.
11. She’s Actual Size – During the middle of this, Flansburgh went to Dan Hickey on the drums and said he was ready to serve everyone’s drum solo needs, and the requests would be filled in the order they were received, then went through various people and styles: “Buddy Rich, press three. John Bonham, press two. Mid-70s rock ballad, press four. Ringo Starr, press six. Keith Moon, press seven. Animal from The Muppets, press five. Keith Moon, press seven,” then showed how Animal and Moon aren’t very different, or the same.
12. Fingertips – They went through the entire “Fingertips” collection, in order, with appropriate lighting. The “I Walk Along Darkened Corridors” ending was especially nice.
13. Spy – The end of this was Flansburgh holding out his arms to various members of the band who would play as he pointed to them, usually two at a time. I can’t remember what song it was, it may have been this one, but there was one part where Flans kept singing “
14. Robot Parade – This is the part that cracked me up the most. Flansburgh sung with his voice filtered through one of those “robot harmonizers.” This song is from the upcoming children’s album, so not as many people knew it (though I did since I’m a nerd), and it was the only song that people didn’t know, so Flans went over to John and started singing, “John, I think we’re losing the crowd.... Nobody wants to hear a song from the record after this one... If only we had a glockenspiel...” Then they brought out one. “But who will play the glockenspiel? Who will play the glockenspiel?” Still using the robot voice and robotily singing. “G-L-O-Kenspiel! G-L-O-Kenspiel!” Then Dan Hickey comes out from behind the drum set and they go into the next song.
15. Shoehorn With Teeth – Dan stands in front of the glockenspiel waiting for the appropriate time to go “ding!” on the instrument. It’s funny.
16. New York City – Mostly played because of 11 Sep and because they’re from there. Ended part one.

17. The Guitar – Returned for encore.
18. Yeh Yeh – They asked if anyone had seen the Chrysler commercial which features this song, which I have once.
19. Man, It’s So Loud In Here – True to the nature of the song, they made the room look like a disco when playing this.
20. Particle Man
21. Why Does the Sun Shine? – It was fun to see 25-yr-old boys and girls jump around like crazy to this children’s song.
22. S-E-X-X-Y – “This song goes out to my one true love... the ladies.”
23. Doctor Worm
24. Older
25. Drink! – Everyone swayed to the drunken tune.
26. Boss of Me – Ended first encore.

27. Maybe I Know – After the first encore, everyone started chanting “Is-Tan-Bul!” (though not me, since that was pretty annoying, and since I never considered it their best song or anything, especially since they didn’t write it). When they came out, they said, “Well, we don’t know what you’d like to hear, but we’re going to play this.”
28. Istanbul (Not Constantinople) – And then they played it, and the show was over.

Thursday, September 27, 2001

rusty gives good headings

In no particular order: My game listing would probably be pretty close to Jason's game listings. Though Tron might be in there, and not Xevious (because I don't remember Xevious) or Roadblasters (because I don't remember Roadblasters), and then there's the Marble Madness game that I really love. Oh, and Zaxxon was a good one.

Of current arcade games, House of the Dead, and House of the Dead II (but not the strange touch-typing version I found in Japan -- Typing of the Dead) are my favorite. Just a shoot em up, but with zombies. Yeah, so I like the horror genre.

Hi Lori! I don't know you and you don't know me, but Jason and I were in pre-third grade together. We did fun silly things, like pretend a big old log was a Tardis.

The Bluebook gives alternative styles for both footnotes, and in-text citations. It is a beautiful thing.

Bookology sounds even greater, once described.

Ohmygod, Good thing I'm using other people's computers, or I'd download them all and never see the light of day again. I will now do my best to forget this revelation.

Oh well, back to my apartment hunt. I'm hoping it'll be over soon.


Re: Citation Styles

My top two:

2. Modern Language Association
1. Modern Language Assocation (Rusty Spell Variant)

Can I assume that The Bluebook uses footnotes, your favorite?

Re: Bookology

Bookology is this game put out by that I bought for Liza (oh, and for me too: I'm not fooling anyone) for Christmas or her birthday or something. A favorite among the board game/card game crowd that used to meet a bunch in Noby's back room on the glass table. It's basically questions about books where you guess the author or title (or both, if you're playing by the hard rules). Not quite Trivial Pursuit for Books, but close enough. I always wanted a game where it was just the literature questions of Trivial Pursuit, and this was close enough. (And now in the new "genuses," they've taken out the literature category altogether--bastards!)

Re: Lori's Resumes

I think your student cheated. Especially on the "very intelligent" part, which is the most true thing of all. I'm amazed.

Re: Jason's Directions

I just say "down" for everything. "I'm going down to Jackson" (when in Hattiesburg), etc. "But, Rusty, Jackson is north of Hattiesburg." Yeah, but "up" and "down" is wrong anyway, since up (if anything) means "off the planet" since the earth is round. Even then, it could just as easily be "down," unless you mean "down" to be "into the earth."

Re: Jason's Top Ten Classic Arcade Games


10. Zoo Keeper -- mostly for the superannoying and loud sound fx
9. Popeye -- even though it's frustrating to me now, I really liked it as a kid when I was good at it
8. Road Blasters -- something I discovered only a few years ago that I used to play a lot
7. Joust -- a classic Rusty and Tony (my brother) game: "Sorry, didn't mean to land on your head," while playing teams
6. Dig Dug -- fun to watch things explode
5. Bubble Bobble -- I promise this isn't on the list because you reminded me of it; I discovered it a few months ago and fell in love with it as "the gayest game I'd ever seen," though I don't say I'm any good at it
4. Rampage -- a pointless game, but fun to smash stuff and eat people
3. Burger Time -- I can't help it somehow; though I'm sure that mine and Noby's "Taco Duck" will be an improvement: "Duck!"
2. Track and Field -- maybe because I'm a drummer and most of the game is based on how fast you can hit the buttons
1. Karate Champ -- the simplicity of the fighting always got me more than something like Mortal Kombat

And furthermore...


4. Bubble Memories -- the same game (as Jason says) with more monsters; #4 in gayness ranking
3. Bubble Bobble 2 -- the same game with doors; #2 in gayness
2. Rainbow Islands -- not the same game, since you use rainbows to climb things, trap things, and kill things; #1 in gayness
1. Bubble Bobble -- great cute gay game where you're a bubble dragon shooting your bubbles on wind-up toys which turn into fruit when you pop them; #2 in gayness

All of these and more to be found at, the best site (that I've found) for arcade emulator roms for your computer. Noby still says he's going to build an arcade machine which will allow you to play all these games on an old-timey machine rather than just using a keyboard.

Re: Fortenberry

She works at the English department.

Re: Transformers

I've told this to a few people, but I never liked "boy" cartoons growing up. I never liked G.I. Joe or The Go Bots or Voltron or anything like that. I was more into stuff like The Smurfs, Muppet Babies, The Chipmunks, and what became my favorite Saturday morning cartoon (though it isn't now), The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley.

I never too much collected boy toys (you know, like Madonna) either. I had one G.I. Joe which I called "G.I. Joe" (it was "Clutch," but I didn't care); I had one Go-Bot (the red car) and didn't really like the complexity of the Transformers. I mostly had stuffed animals or figurines of Snoopy (my sister had his sister Belle) and the Chipmunks. My typical Halloween costume would be Snoopy-related or something like the cartoon The Biskitts. Snoopy is still my favorite cartoon anything.

Re: Lori

I'm happy to see Lori here too. I'm still waiting for Noby to join in, but maybe he's working on his arcade machine...

The Simpsons

I bought the Simpsons DVDs. Good stuff. First season not as crappy as I remember, though mostly I'm snickering and sniffing loudly instead of hurting at the sides like they did to me in later years. I guess I'll be in pain when they come out in a few whatevers. I'm watching the episodes, then listening to the commentary (which is mostly good), then reading the scripts if available (yep, I'm a dork; I like to see what was taken out and changed and mostly Groening's written comments and changes and suggestions), then saving all the third disc extras for when I'm done.

Jason's Psychic Friends Hotline

My friend Amanda's birthday is coming up in a week, so tonight I decided to give her a call to see when would be a good time for me to go visit her and hang out (she lives in Starkville). I had my hand on the receiver, ready to pick it up and call her, when the phone suddenly rang. It was Amanda, asking if I could come up to Starkville sometime soon.

Directionless Talk About Directions

Reading over that last paragraph, I realize I used the term "up" in reference to the direction of Starkville, which is really north of here. Working on maps this summer has gotten me to thinking some about how we view them. Hattiesburg is "down" from here. Boston is "up there." Penguins live "way down" in Antarctica. Why then don't we refer to Arizona as being "to the left" of here?

One time in 7th grade Social Studies class, we were studying the geography of Egypt, and one guy in the class just couldn't fathom how the Nile could flow north, since it would be going "up." The teacher couldn't figure out what the heck he was talking about.

Since Everybody's Doing It...


10 Xevious
9 Joust
8 Dig Dug
7 Roadblasters
6 Ms. Pac-Man
5 Super Pac-Man
4 Galaga
3 Galaga '88
2 Q*bert
1 Bubble Bobble

Yeah, you heard me... Bubble Bobble rules! It rules the school! Bubble Bobble 2 and 3 are just as good, but not on this list, since they're basically more of the same game.

Back in the day, there was an intense rivalry between me and this woman who played Q*bert all the time at the Cotton Bowl bowling alley in Jackson. We were both damn good at the thing, constantly topping each other's high scores, and no one else could ever make it into the list of top scorers.

Atari owes me a t-shirt--Both times I got to the end of Roadblasters, the screen messed up and I couldn't read the code or phone number or whatever you were supposed to get for your free prize for beating the game.

I was never very good at Joust or Xevious, but I did play them a lot, so they're on the list.


10. Ravage (original cartoon and Beast Wars)
9. Megatron (the Beast Wars character--definitely NOT the Beast Machines portrayal of the character)
8. Waspinator (Beast Wars)
7. Megatron (the original--esp. his portrayal in the Generation 2 comics)
6. Blackarachnia (Beast Wars--and definitely NOT the Beast Machines portrayal of the character)
5. Tarantulas (Beast Wars)
4. Cyclonus (original series)
3. Grimlock (the violent philosopher who only pretends to be dumb in the comics--not the total idiot of the cartoon)
2. Death's Head (Okay, he's not a Transformer, but he was introduced in the British TF comics, oh, and the original DH only, not the lame Death's Head II version)
1. Dinobot (Beast Wars)

Yeah, I know Optimus Prime isn't in there. Sorry, he may be a badass, and I love the guy, but he's also the stereotypical Heroic Leader Guy, and as a character isn't quite as complex or compelling as these guys. Note that this list refers to characters only, the top ten toys are another list for another time. (I know you're all just trembling with anticipation.)

Time Traveling

I've never played Chrononaut (sounds fun) with Steph, but we did play Doctor Who (which is now being released on DVD--gotta get some of those) all the time when we were kids.

Hey Lori!

Haven't seen or talked to you much since high school. (Not that I ever talked to you or anyone much in high school... or at any other time in my life for that matter) Glad to see you joining in on all the bloggery!

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

I gave a task to a group of students to write fake resumes for my friends and family based solely on the photo that I gave to them of that person. For Rusty's personal information, the girl writing it said that he is "very intelligent" (based on the glasses), likes to write music, studies literature in the university, and sleeps very late in the day because he's up all night playing music. "He also likes to surf on the web." Hm...

Sunday, September 23, 2001

oh, and

What is Bookology? That sounds fun.

For super goofy fun games, check out, and

wishing she lived in close proximity to people who'd play Chrononaut with her
Steph's Top Five Citation Styles

Because, hey.

5. American Psychological Association
4. Modern Language Association
3. Chicago Manual of Style
2. American Chemical Society Style Manual
1. Uniform System of Citation : The Bluebook

Saturday, September 22, 2001

Top Ten Lists

Here's that thing we do that Liza thinks is funny and makes fun of, but--hey--it's the Hi-Fidelity in us... I like to make them every now and then so I can look back a year or two later and go, "Wha? I was stupid."


Notice this is "favorite," not "best."

10. Rheostatics: Introducing Happiness
9. Belle and Sebastian: If You’re Feeling Sinister
8. R.E.M.: Green
7. The Magnetic Fields: The Charm of the Highway Strip
6. The Magnetic Fields: The Wayward Bus
5. The Magnetic Fields: Distant Plastic Trees
4. The Magnetic Fields: Holiday
3. The Magnetic Fields: 69 Love Songs
2. Weezer: Pinkerton
1. Neutral Milk Hotel: In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Anyway, I think the top 3 are about right. I don't believe all that "one apiece" crap. I can't help it that Stephin Merritt writes better than just about anyone.


10. Quintin Tarantino: Reservoir Dogs
9. Joel Coen: Fargo
8. David Lynch: Blue Velvet
7. David Lynch: Eraserhead
6. Robert Zemeckis: Back to the Future Trilogy
5. John Patrick Shanley: Joe Versus the Volcano
4. George Lucas: Star Wars Trilogy
3. Frank Capra: It’s a Wonderful Life
2. Stanley Kubrick: 2001: A Space Odyssey
1. David Lynch: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

This probably isn't right either, but the first three--again--are probably right. Certainly the first two. Freddy Got Fingered was like #13 as I was writing them out. How's that for a movie which will never be on any movie critic's top 20 list? Or top 500 list?

I would do top 10 books, but that's just impossible. Or is it? Okay, this will be totally wrong, but I'll do it anyway:


Nevermind. I'm not organized in my thoughts about books. I'm not sure if it's a result of my teaching/studying them, or if it's just a bad sign that I can't properly make a top ten list when I do teach/study them. But wait! I think it's because I don't really like movies and music, but I like books, so I feel stupid ranking them. That's why I don't have a Rusty Likes Books page. Maybe. I don't know. Anyway, when I started making the list, some people that popped up were Harold Pinter, Herman Melville, Frederick Barthelme, C.S. Lewis, Shakespeare, Douglas Adams, J.M. Barrie, Fyodor Dostoyevsky... all the kids' books: birthday parties and whales and beaches and fauns and Hamlets and Pans and Russians and Triple-Breasted Whores of Eroticon Six...


10. Mousetrap
9. Risk
8. Taboo
7. Guesstures
6. Sorry
5. Scrabble
4. Clue
3. Bookology
2. Trivial Pusuit
1. Monopoly

Even this probably isn't right, especially since Risk and Mousetrap were just thrown in to fill up 10. You can't beat that Monopoly, though. It's just so darn flexible. I wish that we could have one of those blood-n-guts games with Jason "2-Hip" Pollan again...

Friday, September 21, 2001

Ooh, Afro Dog is cute

Though I still like Tare Panda more.

Oh, oh, oh, so cute.

But wait! There's more!

So today, I have to go to meet a college friend at some coffeeshop. I end up getting to the neighborhood of the coffeeshop early, and guess who I run into! Petra! We had lunch, exchanged email addresses. It was fun, though I think she might be way too party-girl for me. Plus I've decided that maybe she wasn't flirting with me, but just flirty in general. Anyways, it was still fun. I love coincidences like that.
Once Upon a Time, There Was a Dog With An Afro...

I'm all gung-ho about the DVD goodness. The Bensons and Star Wars: Attack of the Jar Jar Clones and Freddy Got Fingered and Twin Peaks (which was originally supposed to come out Oct 2000) and, um... MANIMAL.

Anyway. Maybe, for Christmas, just in case, I should buy Steph an extra purse.
Jason can't think of a headline right now

Wow, Steph, that was some evening. You were lucky you got the polite, non-violent, easily-confused, and easily-discouraged mugger there. Maybe he needed to be called a loser. Maybe it'll be the wakeup call he needs to motivate him into reconsidering his ill-conceived life of incompetent crime.

Oh man, I know how it is taking so long to realize you were being flirted with. I'm incredibly dense when it comes to figuring out someone's flirting with me, assuming anyone ever actually does.

I remember this one girl who on a few occasions had lunch with our little group at the USM Commons. (Geez, I'm not sure I remember her name... Wendy I think? She had blonde curly-I-think hair, and was taking classes in the art department, always carrying around one of those little art supply boxes we all did that look like the ones that people carry stuff for fishing in. You have any idea who I'm talking about Rusty?) I remember one time I was sitting there eating by myself (it was one of those off times of the day when there was hardly anyone there) and she came over and sat down with me. She kept telling me how fascinating everything I talked about was, and kept talking about how she didn't ever have anything to do on the weekend, was wishing she could find someone to go out and do stuff with, and basically giving me every opportunity humanly possible to ask her out.

I did notice all the not-so-subtle hints she was dropping, but with all my stupid self-doubt and low self-esteem, I just couldn't believe she'd be interested in me. I was also interested in another girl at the time who wasn't as interested in me, so I guess that made me all the more distracted. Man, I was such a dumbass! I feel really, really bad about the whole thing in retrospect. She probably thought I didn't like her or something. I should try to find her and apologize.

(Yeah, I know I'm probably shattering everyone's illusions of how utterly cool I am. Hard as it may be to believe, I admit it, I'm a dork.)


He's probably reading this now, crying, wishing (1) that he would have flirted with you (2) that he would have got the purse and (3) that he would have called you "darling" instead.

Dadgummit, Rusty, pay attention! It's a TOTE BAG! Totu bagu!

Er, sorry about bringing up the whole Old Hag thing the other night before your bedtime Rusty. I agree in that a lot of that stuff doesn't sound like it's easily explained away just by grouping it all in as side-effects of the bodily function that keeps us from moving around during REM sleep taking a little longer than usual to shut off. (Though I was glad to find out that what happens to me could at least be explained by that part.)

Did you know?
Tare Panda has a friend called Afro Dog. You see, as the story goes, "Once upon a time, there was a dog with an afro..." That's it. That's the story.

The Simpsons DVD set is still set for release on Tuesday. It's supposed to have a never-aired episode, commentaries, and loads of other DVD extra goodness.

I assume most of us here know that the Twin Peaks 1st season DVD set comes out the first week of December...

Of course, I'm sure what we're all really waiting for is the Phantom Menace DVD next month, to find out if there are any wonderful additonal Jar-Jar scenes that we didn't get to see in the theatrical release!

Gotta dance!
not a purse!

Steph here, all refreshed and very sober now, and certainly not split into Fake Pretentious Novelist Steph, and Flirty Steph, and Angry Non-Purse-Carrier Steph.

In retrospect, screaming "Loser!" was not very nice. But it was so hard not to. Scream "Loser!" I mean. He was such a terrible mugger.

My friend-slash-host-slash-former-law-school-classmate Andy made me call the police when I got back to the apartment. Instead of calling the Sky Bar to ask for Petra, which was what I would have been inclined to do. But the police didn't seem all that concerned, given that the mugging attempt wasn't successful or anything.

I saw The Apples in Stereo three nights ago, but there's no interesting story connected to that event. The band was enjoyable, the crowd was good, and before hearing the band go on, I talked to some guy about foreign policy. After that, I walked about an hour to get back to the apartment. Coincidentally, on that evening, Andy scolded me for walking that far, saying, "But you could've gotten mugged!"
Steph's Experience

So, is it normal for me to feel sorry for the Eminem guy? When you yelled "Loser!" at him, I thought, "Aw, you shouldn't have said that..." Anyway, though, I'm glad you're all right and that he didn't get your purse.

As Todd and Tommy know, my Eminem impression is not to be beat. Nor is my M&M impression: "Play it again, Peanut!"

I was also hoping he would have been pleased at you asking "What are you listening to?" and that you could have had a conversation about it. Poor Eminem. Maybe I should buy him a gun.

The even newer and more improved Rusty Spell Dot Com is up. Also on Noby and Rusty's Game Page is a brand new domino game called Jason Smith. I dreamed it one day, just like I dreamed Pickle. I'm always literally dreaming up games, when I'm not dreaming up Old Hags stifling my breathing. I also one time dreamed I was watching a game show on TV in which they asked trivia questions about William Shakespeare. The game was called Outrageous Fortune, which I thought was very clever of my unconscious.

Paula Leffman (who only Liza knows) came by tonight to practice being a Mnemonic Devicette for the show October 4th. She had me go through about half my Devices songbook strumming songs and singing, and after each song she would analyze the lyrics. She explained stuff that I never realized ("Oh, that's what I meant"). She's a very good reader. Only twice did she say "What does that part mean?" and I had to explain that it was just sloppy writing, which is what I thought most rock music was anyway.

I really didn't want Eminem to have a gun. I can only joke about it 'cause you're okay. I'm not sure what I would have done. But, you know, he was being polite: "ma'am" indeed. What a sweet boy. He didn't know you missed a flirt. He probably never flirts, only clutches his Limp Bizkit cap in his hand and says, "Aw, shucks." He's probably reading this now, crying, wishing (1) that he would have flirted with you (2) that he would have got the purse and (3) that he would have called you "darling" instead. Or that he could have a chance, even a slim (shady) chance, to get to know you well enough to call you darling, or sweetheart, or honey, or turtedove.

You know that episode of Bewitched where Samantha (or Endora, can't remember) split Darren into two people so he could both go on a business trip and have a vacation? I wish I could do that, into maybe five or six Rusties. But then I start thinking about what that would mean (as I did when thinking about that episode): Would I then be able to combine all five into one again, having all of their knowledge? Or would they remain separate? What? If I couldn't combine again later, then it would be pointless. Regardless, I'd probably have a Writer Rusty, a Music Rusty, a Teacher Rusty, a Miscellaneous Fun Things Rusty, and Rusty-In-General. But then, see, I wonder: Wouldn't Writer Rusty just want to make music, just like I do now? Assigning jobs to them makes them seem more like robots, and less than what they would actually be, which is me. There would be arguments: "Writer Rusty, you're supposed to be writing and publishing!" "But I want to make a song, dillhole!" "That's my job!" "Whoah, whoah, whoah, can't you guys chill out? I'm trying to watch Law and Order with Liza." "Suck it, Rusty-In-General!" "Now what's Miscellanous Fun Things Rusty doing? Oh, great... he's built a fort." "But what I really want to do is direct." "Why do I have to grade all these papers? This sucks."

I'm going to sleep now. I wonder who reads this besides the people on the "team." Someone is, I'm pretty sure. Someone probably reads it every day, probably clicks on it from the new-and-improved Rusty Spell Dot Com and gets a sinking feeling when there's no new posts. Then he probably reads the old ones and says, "Those guys... I love these guys."

Why wouldn't he?
a fairly odd evening, or, geez am i stupid

[This is totally cut and pasted from my own blog, by the way.]

So I just had dinner with my friend Gina, and I'm rushing off to see my friend Dan's band at the Sky Bar. I mistake Beacon Ave. for Somerville Ave. so of course I'm late, but fortunately the band is late, too, so I get a chance to settle down and stuff. So I order a Guinness and all of the sudden, hey, I have an idea for a micro short story to stick in my book.

I'm feeling all good about this micro short story, as I get a chance to make references to disease, terrorist attacks, and the goofy words of Jonathan Franzen. (For some reason, I always get inspired around Dan.) I'm writing it in my little notebook, and the bar is perfect for that because the black light makes the pages of my notebook glow.

As I'm writing, and as Dan's band goes on, and as the band, Honest Bob, struts its stuff in a way that's much better than the last time I saw them (like two or three years ago), this girl starts talking to me. "What's occupying your brain?" she asks. She's cute and blonde and naturally friendly looking, and I should've been focusing on those aspects of her, but, instead, what mostly what goes through my head is "Hey! I'm busy writing!" and "Ohmygod, I don't know what to say because I really can't pull off the pretentious novelist act, as fun as it would seem." Especially not when I'm actually busy being a pretentious novelist, and not instead busy pretending to be a pretentious novelist, which would be totally different.

Anyway, the band is fun and the writing goes well, and everything ends early and I'm thinking, "Yay! I can actually catch the T home to Brookline and not have to pay for a taxi, whoohoo," so I book on out of there, but before I leave, the girl, who has, by now, introduced herself as Petra and says she lives in Davis Square, says "So you're leaving so soon?" and I mumble something (stupidly) about taking the T. She tells me she hopes to see me around some other time.

After I leave, I start thinking, "God I'm an idiot, she was totally flirting with me, I should've gotten her number or tried to get together with her or something." So I'm walking back to Porter Square, kicking myself, though not literally, and yelling "Idiot!" internally.

Anyway, thoughts of "Steph! You idiot!" are totally preoccupying my brain, when all of the sudden I feel this person press up behind me. I turn around. It is this guy who looks kinda like Eminem, only not quite as skinny, and basically that's all I notice about him except that he's also wearing a pair of headphones. He is saying, "Ma'am, please give me your purse."

I kid you not.

I also kid you not that the things that are going through my head are: (1) How dare you interrupt me kicking myself for not getting this cute girl's phone number! and (2) How dare you call my tarepanda tote bag (totu bagu) a purse! The latter thought actually starts consuming me, because, well, he was accusing me of being a purse carrier, and that, I am not. I also later think, (3) How dare you call me ma'am!

I must admit, I was mildly drunk at the time. Not super drunk, just happily buzzed.

So I scream, "No way! I'm not giving you this!" (Note my careful decision not to accede to his characterization of my bag as a purse.)

This exchange proceeds for the next few minutes: (Him) "Ma'am, please give me your purse." (Me) "No way!"

At some point, I start thinking, "Geez, this guy is on something. He must be. He's completely ineffectual." So I start to form the question, "What are you on, anyway?"

Except, like I said, I'm a bit drunk. And even when I'm sober, sometimes I don't quite say the things I'm thinking of, but, rather, totally random things that pop into my head at around the same time. So out comes, "What the hell are you listening to, anyway?"

The guy looks surprised, as if this were not the response he expected. He repeats the whole "Ma'am, please give me your purse" thing a few more times, but finally gives up and walks off in the other direction. I keep walking towards the T, because goddammit, this pathetic attempt of a mugger wasn't gonna stop me from catching the last train home. But, as I said, I'm a bit drunk, so after half a block of walking, I turn and yell, "Loser!"

Yeah, that was my evening.

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

Rusty Spell Dot Com

Rusty Spell Dot Com has a new design for those who care about that sort of thing.

Famous People That Remind Me (Or Others) Of Me

I'm going to put this on my page one day, but I'll put it here for now. John Linnell (Noby would be John Flansburgh) of They Might Be Giants. Conan O'Brien. Mom says Bob Saget, though I dunno about that one as much. Topher Grace, "Eric" from That 70s Show (he and John Linnell were on Conan the other night, so that was cool). Martin Short, maybe more than almost anyone, even though I don't like Jiminy Glick. Half of Tom Green; Tommy is the other half. Tommy says John Henson, formerly of Talk Soup. Tommy also says Maury Povich. Not sure about either of those, but I can kinda see it. John Lennon every now and then. That's all I can think of right now.

Bad Stuff

Remind me not to talk about sleep paralysis again right before going to sleep...

Good Stuff

Candy is good. Coke is good. I guess I'm just saying sugar is good... but not good for you.

The Bensons

The Simpsons first season DVD comes out in a week, unless they changed it. TV is even better when it's not on TV.


My favorite color used to be red, and then it was blue, and now I don't really have one.

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

Sleep Paralysis

Yes, everything described on that page -- except for floating -- are things I have experienced: a pressing on the chest (and entire body, really); an evil presence; sometimes something talking; certainly floating things, usually bugs, though when I was a kid I would see faces and little men sometimes. In fact, once when I was a child I had a nightmare and went to sleep with Mom and Dad because I was scared and while I was talking to them about the dream, I was clearly looking at little men walking around in their room. It's been even in the past few nights, though, that I have woken up, looked up and saw bugs, and tried to catch them with my covers. I'm awake enough to talk to Liza about it and tell her what I'm looking at.

There's one story on that sight about thinking someone's in the room when they're not around while you're waking up or sleeping. That's happened, like when I thought Liza was around and then realized she was at work. That also happened to my sister several times. Two or three times she thought she saw me and heard me, but I was always in my room. Once she saw me walk into the bathroom when I didn't, and once she heard me whisper her name in her hear. My brother, sister, and I all have these sorts of experiences: they usually had them worse than me, especially Tony.

The site describes "mere presence" which is something I experience while I'm not in the bed, while I'm typing... like several minutes ago, even. When I feel something enter the room, but nothing's there. Sometimes the dog will enter the room and I won't even notice, but I'll feel this.

"I get a loud rushing sound in my ears. Something like it sounds like when you put your fingers in your ears only it is very loud." This is from the site, and this is exactly what I experience.

I'm gonna stop talking about it all now I think, since I'll be going to bed in a second. As most of you know, I believe in most everything otherwordly, and I think it's kind of goofy when "scientific" information tries to explain it away by simply giving it a newer name and explaining things that happen to your body.

  • Hot chicks rule!
  • My advice to Tommy is to just watch all the DVDs before he buys them.
  • Sorry Tommy and Jason: I didn't like Manhunter and I didn't like Cowboy Bebop. I saw that first episode of Sealab 2021 and the radio one, and pretty much felt the same way about both... minor titters. I only saw the last bit of Brak's show too, and never LOL at it... though Space Ghost was still funny. I'm not cool.
  • I've only seen the new Weezer video 1/2 times. I saw the end of it. Weezer are my friends.
  • We're going to find out that Jar Jar becomes the head of the Jedi or something. Him and snake.
  • I've recruited a handful of chicks to sing with me on my Oct 4 music show. It should be da bom'.
  • Bulleted list.
A Special Message...

To the hot chick I saw on my street Saturday pushing her friend who was for some reason sitting on top of a baby stroller up the hill:
I love you.

Another Special Message...

To the hot chick I saw on my street Saturday who was for some reason sitting on top of a baby stroller while being pushed up the hill by her friend:
I love you too.

Random Stuff That Isn't Special:

I wish I could have thought of something to say to those girls instead of standing there looking puzzled at their craziness. I wish I knew what caused them to try something so silly. Maybe they were on dank or something.

Tommy should really consider looking for an apartment within walking distance of Best Buy. It would save him a considerable amount of time.

I do suspect it was a really bad editing job that Fox did when they showed the tee-vee version of Alien to the Third that ruined it for me. I recall thinking that the individual scenes were pretty decent, just cut together in ways that didn't make much sense visually or story-wise. Someday I'll rent me a copy of it to find out.

Speaking of Fox, now that Fox 40 in Jackson is going to be switching to the WB network, I'm wondering if they'll keep their "Getcha some!" slogan. If not, I'm gonna miss it. I'll never forget the time I drove into town one day, completely unaware that was their new slogan, and saw for the first time the billboard for Moesha with a big picture of teenage actress/singer Brandy on it, with the phrase "Getcha some!" in big bold letters next to it, looking so very, very wrong.

The first Sealab 2021 episode (involving Debbie the marine biologist's biological clock going off and Stormy not being able to figure out why referring to Debbie the schoolteacher as "the black Debbie" was inappropriate) was much funnier than the bland-by-comparison episode with the pirate radio station. Erik Estrada's character singing the CHiPs theme really made me LOL in the latest episode. Oh, and so far there's been several discussions and depictions of cannibalism on Sealab, so Steph might wanna check that out. :)

Cowboy Bebop appears to be (somewhat understandably) gone from tv for a while, along with other shows on the Cartoon Network that depict realistic large-scale violence. I dunno why Invader Zim got pulled off the schedule last friday, though.

Every time I see Weezer's new video with the shot of the puppies and the chimp immediately followed by the shot of the panther running toward the camera, it makes me feel worried that the big cat's going to go after those puppies. For some reason, I don't feel worried about the chimp. Maybe it's because I feel closer to puppies, having owned and been around lots and lots of them during my life, but have never really been close to any chimps.

Rusty... be careful and make sure that's not Evil Alternate-Timeline Vampire Willow.

I don't know if there's an Evil Anna Kournikova.

Hey Rusty, in those dreams where you open your eyes and see things, do you experience a short period of feeling unable or afraid to move? What you described kinda reminded me of this thing called "sleep paralysis" that a lot of people (including me occasionally) experience. It's where you wake up to the point where you can open your eyes and look around, but you can't consciously make yourself move or speak, and it often feels like you're being held down or threatened by some malevolent presence. I've never experienced any of the associated secondary characteristics, but for a lot of people, sleep paralysis is accompanied by visual or auditory hallucinations--generally humanoid beings, monster-like things, and bugs. (Never read about anyone seeing anything like propeller boats though, so it might not be this.) As strange as it sounds, a fairly large portion of the population supposedly experiences it a time or two in their lives, and it's where a lot of stories about alien abductions, incubi, and other assorted things that go bump in the night are believed to have originated.

Speaking of scary things, here's something I told Tommy I'd read once and finally found the link to again...

Monday, September 17, 2001

Nyleva, the Last American Riot Grrrrl and The Everly Brothers

So Liza and I got to see Nyleva this weekend, which was kew'. We ate at O'Charley's, listened to Liza sing along to 'nikcuS songs, translated Spanish pop, danced to Mary Timony, and did Jon Stewart impressions. I also got to see Tommy, but I see his arse more often since he's only 1 1/2 hours away instead of 10.

I had dreams (yeah, I'm getting back to dreams) for thirty minutes last night that kept waking me up, "nightmarish" ones. Actually, they didn't wake me up: they woke me up in the dream, but I wasn't really awake, which is always annoying. The only one I'm willing to tell is that one of them made me "wake up" saying the word cow aloud. I finally woke up for real, told all the ones I could think of, then slept nicely after that.

The scariest dream, I think, I've ever had in my life--or at least the most famous one, the one that still sticks out in my mind--is this one, that I dreamed when I was a kid: I'm sitting in a square room with nothing in it except stuffed animals and dolls sitting against the wall, as am I. I hear a scared voice, almost crying, that says "The dog is looking at the baby doll!" and then the dream-camera cuts to the dog, then to the doll, then I wake up screaming my head off. Any dream analysts out there?

I had another dream around that same time where my cat, Smoky, was clawing me and I could actually feel it clawing me. I'm not sure if I've felt anything in a dream since then, but I was 100% convinced that the cat was on me until Mom and Tony explained that the cat was outside. Then and now, I have dreams where I can open my eyes and see things. These days, it's mostly bugs and spiders and stuff--always waking up swatting at things that aren't there. I think recently it was a little propellor boat flying in the air. I've been waking up in general from dreams (and seeing things sometimes) more often lately, which is maybe why I'm more obsessed about them than usual.

Another thing that scared me when I was about four, that wasn't a dream, was an episode of Fantasy Island called "Man-Beast" where they set it up as this Beauty and the Beast sort of thing, and everytime I'd seen B&TB in books or on TV or whatever, he looked like an ugly monkey or something (this was before the Disney days when they made him a buffalo), so in a Phantom of the Opera moment (he was playing the organ), a woman creeps up on him to see what he looks like. I'm commenting to my brother: "He's gonna be all ugly-looking, like a baboon." But then he whips around and looks right at the camera and he's this cool-looking werewolf thing... and I scream really really loud. And then I'm just crying and trying to explain it to mom why it scared me so much: "I... was... ex... pecting this ugly... thing... and he was... like... cool looking... and... he... wasn't... ugly... he was cool..."

My brother still makes fun of me for that, but I was only about six, and he was seeing Freddy Kruegger sitting next to the bed when he was a teenager, so...

So things scare me that I can't really explain why. Or when I do explain why, it doesn't make sense. I don't know anyone who's ever been scared of something because he was "cool-looking." I spent about ten minutes just then doing searches for that episode (that's how I know the name, and even who played him--the guy who played the original Fly) to see if there was a photo, even though I still remember exactly what it looked like. It was more like a fox than anything.

I used to do a thing when I was a kid to wake out of nightmares where I'd just go "phhhht" with my tongue, and that seemed to work...

Friday, September 14, 2001

The Mnemonic Devices Release Five Year Anniversary Best-Of Remix Singles Album, Brag About It

So here it is: The Singles Collection (1996-2001), a worthy collection for anyone to own. The Mnemonic Devices are an album band and a singles band. We're too good to be true. Cheese is good for you, and so are we, and we are cheesy. We are candy cheese. Sugary cheese with synthesized drums. I did a mix of cheese and radio playfulness in the packaging, including a picture of cheese "singles" or individual slices. Oh, and also a play on the word "single" as in "single white female," since all my songs are about the problems or pleasures about either being single or not being single. It's also a remix album of sorts, since I chopped up some of the longer songs (seven of them) for radio-friendliness, so it really is a singles album. Monumental, baby, monumental.

Or... just another piece of Yamaha junk I put together since I have Cakewalk and a CD burner.

Thursday, September 13, 2001

Willow Wants Wussy

A message from Willow...

"I am Willow. I am writing to Liza to ask permission to "get busy" with your stud Rusty. He has indeed knocked me straight. Thank you for your consideration. W."

That's always nice to know.

Re: Toms: Weezer and Malkmus are up for my album of the year as well. Of course, I haven't heard Martin Tielli or the Rheostatics yet, who are this month and next month.

Re: Jayzon: I remember liking Alien Cubed. I haven't seen it since it came out, though. I've since become a fan of the director, David Fincher, who did Se7en and Fight Club (and The Game, for those who like that sort of thing). I'm mainly just a fan of Fight Club. Oh, he also did those videos for Madonna and Aerosmith, "Express Yourself" and "Jamie's Got a Gun," respectively.

I've seen some of Adult Swim. Sealab 2020, which I didn't think was awfully funny (or terribly awful either)... like it was wearing its "postmodern Hanna Barbera cartoon for adults, aren't we clever" ness too much on its sleeve. Although I'm looking forward to Brak and Cowboy Bebop and the others. I shall check out.

The Robinsons: Here's a link to one of my students' bands, in case he's lurking around here and wants to feel famous. He makes Ramoney-Mony Weezerific Beachifonic Punkitudinal stuff.

The news is that I've created a collection called The Singles Collection (you know, like the Pet Shop Boys) for The Mnemonic Devices. It's to commemorate the existance of them for five years (the first album was Oct 1996), to provide "single" mixes for some of the songs that could use some trimming for radio, but most importantly it's a quicky way to make filthy money since folks would be more likely to buy it at my show in two weeks. I wish I could say I originally planned it as a cash-in, but I had the idea to make it before I knew I'd be playing.

The Mnemonic Rusty

P.S. Me too. Anna K.
1. Shopping with Tommy is always an adventure.

B. We also went to Captain D's and ate seafood. Sure, all I had was a salad, but they put it in a plastic container shaped like a giant clamshell, so that you feel like you're eating seafood.

3. I saw Alien Resurrection with the aforementioned Thomas Jackson. Our friend Mamie wanted us to go see I Know What You Did Last Summer with her, but by the time it was starting she was nowhere to be found, so we decided a movie with Sigourney Weaver, Winona Ryder, and cool scary aliens would be better than Jennifer Love Hewitt running around screaming. Mamie burst into the theater we were in mid-way through the movie and yelled at Thomas for "ditching" her, then stormed out. Good thing we were the only people in the theater...

pi. The screenplay for Alien Resurrection was written by Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy and Angel, tho' I hear he's not too proud of it. I thought it was at least more enjoyable than Alien Cubed, which, granted I only saw on broadcast tv, and appeared to be chopped up badly. At least I hope that broadcast was chopped up badly, I'd hate to think the theatrical release could have been as incomprehensible as the version I saw.

3. Well, they keep saying Buffy is coming out on Region 1 DVD, but then they keep putting it off. I'll believe it when I see it. Unless you're talking about the movie with Pee Wee Herman (who does the best death scene ever), which isn't real.


IV. For anyone looking for something goofy and fun to cheer them up on the teevee, I recommend they check out Adult Swim on Cartoon Network Thursday and Sunday nights from 9pm-midnight Central/10pm-1am Eastern, if they haven't already discovered it. It has some very funny and insane animation for adult audiences, along with Cowboy Bebop, which I love, love, love, and is listed as the definition of "cool" in my dictionary. (I think Tommy and Noby can back me up on how good Bebop is)

4a. Invader Zim, from Jhonen Vasquez--creator of the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic--and with head writer Frank Conniff from MST3K, is highly recommended as well. (Friday 8pmCT/9pmET, Sunday Noon CT/1pmET on Nickelodeon)
I suppose it's time for me to go Blogging. We should all Blog once in a while, as I see things.

We're not gonna talk about Judy.

I got Bob Dylan's new album, so screw all of you. Actually, it's officially in the running for my own personal "Album of the Year." The others (if you're interested) are: Gillian Welch's Time, Weezer, and the excellent Stephen Malkmus record. Stephen will probably win, but I'm proud of Bob for being Bob. He's the coolest...still.

Jason and I went to the big Best Buy tonight and I got all of the Blondie reissues (all of them except the crappy The Hunter album). I then felt guilty for leaving the poor The Hunter out and stopped at BeBop and got it. I then dropped Jason off and went over to Noby's to prove to him how cool I am. We were basking in all of the Blondiness when I realized that i had somehow missed Plastic Letters (much better than The Hunter I'm sure; I haven't atually heard The Hunter yet...I just know it'll suck ass.). So, off we went. Back to BeBop so I could be a (Frank) freak and complete the Blondies. In the meantime, I also got the last two Van Halen reissues, so I really suck.

I still need to get The Goonies on DVD.

Tommy The Burtundra

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

Hi everybody. Rusty wanted me to participate in this blogger thing, but I don't feel like thinking of anything to say right now, so this is all you're going to get. : )
Apologies, Responses, News, Etc.

1. "Nothing depressing, eh, Rusty?" What about that whole 'dying at 30' thing? Huh?" Well, it's not depressing until it's true, and any mention of eating Lucky Charms out of my divot is funny, and any excuse I have to bring it up is worth it. I always tell Liza that I'll become the most comedic when I learn I'm dying. It's a concept she doesn't think is very funny yet, but I guess one of the reasons I love Liza is because she wouldn't think it was funny if I began dying.

2. Nyleva scolded me (via Liza) for making inside jokes on this thing, but I wasn't making inside jokes--I wasn't making jokes at all, since jokes make you laugh and nothing I've ever said is funny. I think the only semi-inside thing I wrote was "The word link reminds me of sausage," which is a quote from Gordon Cole (played by David Lynch) from Twin Peaks. But, as Liza pointed out to Nyleva, I think that she is both (a) cool and (b) hot, so all should be well. I furthermore think that her main squeeze Eric is (a) cool and (b) hot, so maybe one day they'll have cool and hot children... maybe like lukewarm water. (Those post-ellipse words were a semi-inside joke, since it was a line from Spinal Tap, though I keep saying "semi-inside" because the "inside" is only in comparison to "outsiders" being those who've seen neither of these two moving pictures, both of which are in the public domain. So a real inside joke would be something like "In the beginning... GHHAAAHHHD!" which only Tommy, I, and now Todd (maybe Noby, since he knows everything) knows about. In conclusion, I really miss Nyleva and hope that all works out so I can still see her this weekend and spend loads of time telling our own inside jokes.

3. They Might Be Giants' new album is indeed very good, and it will receive an A on my Rusty Likes Music page when I get around to writing for it yet another pointless review. Since all my reviews are pointless, nothing of substance whatsoever, the equivalent of Chris Farley's interview guy character saying "So, Paul McCartney... when you said 'The love you take is equal to the love you make'... that was awesome." Perhaps even less substantial than that. (You know, I don't know if I ever realized that substance and substantial are from the same word. They should really really find me out and kick me out of the English department.)

3. Steph, don't forget Alien Ressurection. He also did that. I haven't seen it though. I'm just sure there's a joke in there somewhere if someone wants to run with it. His name is all Frenchified, if that helps.

4. The "dank" guy was fun. I sometimes wish we had more people like that wandering around Hattiesburg, or at least that I was brave enough to walk up to people and talk to them... maybe with a camera. I'm dying to do a documentary on the people who hang out at the liquor store.

5. Liza also watches the vampire v. lawyers show. And its parent show, which is coming out on DVD soon. Nyleva does too. I don't, though I think all the ladies involved are lovely. I'd hook up with Willow. If you're talking about Angel, otherwise I'm an idiot. Oh, and "Willow" is a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not Warwick "Change Me Back To My Human Form" Davis.

6. For those that can be in the Hattiesburg area 4 Oct 2001, Thomas Jackson (Jason's buddy and one of my more famous fans) has asked me to open for him at the Thirsty Hippo downtown. It will be the first time I play in my own town, in front of people who aren't just my crew of supportive buddies (all the guys on here) and who are instead semi-buddies: peers, contemporaries, colleagues, aquaintances, stuff like that... I plan on embarrasing myself more this time, maybe using a keyboard and built-in loungy arpeggios, perhaps a ukulele, since I'm a weakly opening act anyway. I'm building up to a being a headliner one day.

7. I'm really tired, feel like my inside is hollow. I'm going to listen to TMBG on headphones. They made me feel good for 45 minutes earlier today...

p e a c e

I don't know what else to do at this point except keep chuggin'. I said "anything that's not depressing" at the first of this thing, so I'll stick to that. I'll make another post which returns to the goofy routine, though it might be a while before I feel either truly goofy or truly routine...

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Speaking of both cannibals and cannibis, that reminds me...

When Tommy, Rusty, Danny and Stephanie McG., and I went to the Memphis in May thingamabob, one of the many zany characters strung out on drugs who came up to us saying crazy things that night had mentioned something about someone stealing his "dank." We, not being the kind of people to know much about drug-related things, or the crazy lingo these darn kids use nowadays, puzzled over what this "dank" must have been slang for. Then, not too long ago, I read a news article somewhere about a guy who'd been arrested for killing a couple of his friends and some other people so that he could find out what eating people was like. He was high from using dank heavily at the time, which the article explained is actually enbalming fluid that marijuana is dipped into. Mystery solved. And maybe it's a good thing for us that guy at Memphis in May hadn't had his dank.

Sorry Ray, I'd watch your show, but it comes on at the same time as that show where the vampire fights the lawyers.
Cannibalistic Figments

If you really like cannibis, then I know this guy who... oh, cannibals. Nevermind. I don't know anybody.

For some lowbrow cannibal fun, might I suggest Cannibal! The Musical by Trey Parker of South Park fame. It's one of my top ten musicals. I'm still singing the songs, which is more than I can say for Oklahoma!.

I can't remember what I've dreamed recently. I watched Pinnochio last night (Disney's). Still good. Jiminy Crickets!

He's just a figment...

Remember him?
writing from boston

Hey everyone, just writing in from my friend Andy's apartment in Boston. Had the first day of my Japanese language class today. Learned to say "watashi no shumi wa biiru zukuri desu" (which should be "my hobby is beer brewing" unless I screwed that up) and other very important stuff like that. Found out that one of the co-directors of two of my favorite movies -- Delicatessen and City of Lost Children -- has a new movie out called Amelie. I totally can't wait to see it, nor can I wait to see this documentary on cannibals that's showing this weekend at a theater down the street. Andy thinks I'm a little too into cannibals, what with my fixations on the midnight cannibal documentary and Delicatessen and all. Whatever.

Well, that's all my news for now, at least until I get some sleep.
TMBG Forgot About Ray Says Eminem, Dido

So, They Might Be Giants' album is coming out tomorrow (Tuesday, which is actually today). It's called Mink Car. You should all get into TMBG if you're not, or if you were once but aren't any more. Because, as they say, "You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older... and now you're even older... and now you're even older. You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older. And now you're older still."

Ray Romano is the best guy to impersonate ever. Todd Townsend and I are opening a comedy and tea store called "Impressive Impressions." It features our comedic comedy stylings, impressions of Ray and Eminem, along with bad impressions of The Beatles and Homer J. Bullwinkle.


Monday, September 10, 2001

Haaaaaay, this is Ray Romano...

I have a show, it's called Everybody Loves Raymond. I bet everyone here loves Raymond, am I right? Haaaaay, Rusty Spell is great. I love Blogs, everybody loves I right?

Ray (watch my show! okaaaaay?)
Ninjas, Marfan, and I Don't Think I'm Dying... Really
"I Don't Feel Tardy"

I, too, made an album in spirit of the day that the ninja attacked Jeff. Here is the back cover, which proves it.

I got an email from Kay Dixon (formerly Kay Ulmer or Kay D. Ulmer or "Kay Dulmer") which gave me this warning:

I just watched a show on Marfan syndrome. I thought you might should look into that. It's a fairly common condition. It is thought that Abe Lincoln had it. Folks with Marfan tend to be tall and thin. Some tell-tell signs include a divit in the chest and high pallette. It affects the body's connective tissue. The main concern with Marfan is that it can affect the aortic valve of the heart.

So... hopefully I won't die of it or anything before I get checked out. And all these years we thought it was funny that I was able to eat Lucky Charms out of my chest. Actually, though, I don't think I have it, and reading this page makes me think that I maybe just happen to be skinny, tall, and nearsighted, but not necessarily Marfanized.

Rusty "Dead by Thirty" Spell

Sunday, September 09, 2001

If all the people who go around saying "ROTFLMAO" really were, then I think there'd be a lot more ads on tv for doctors and hospitals that specialize in buttock replacement surgery.

Hey Rusty, sorry 'bout your nuts man.

I saw Tommy The Burton's mom and sister late Saturday afternoon at the Megalomart. I was on my way out because the store didn't have the droids I was looking for when I saw them headed toward me. Lindsay waved. I waved back. I said hello as we passed each other. They said hello back. And then I had to be on my way 'cos I was about to go to dinner with a couple of hot babes.

I think that if days that ninjas attacked people could be proud of having rock albums named to honor them, then Lately David's new album is definitely sounding like one that the day the ninja attacked Jeff would be proud of being honored by. If only poor Optimus Prime coulda had a decent song done in honor of him instead of "You've Got the Touch..."

Saturday, September 08, 2001

Here he is. Breaking up that happy little group, known as Bloggy McBloggy's MacBloggifiers. Maybe McDonald's won't sue us for using that name. All the cool people are here, with the possible exception of one: me. But I'll post anyway, as my friend Rusty has asked me to. Maybe I can keep up with you smart people.

I think we all know what laughing sounds, I think laughing sounds like this:

I could use this space to go on about love for the filmmaking styles of Michael Mann, but I won't. I could use it as a forum for me to expound on the beauty of that glorious sound known as Rock, but most of you know about my love for that. Instead, I will say a little something about the day that the ninja attacked Jeff. It was a great day. I wasn't there, but I can tell it was great. Lately David is planning on calling their next/new album Ninja/Return of Ninja in honor of this. Hopefully it'll live up to it's name. How is it so far, Jason?

I dig it all. I dig it he most. I want to fall in love. No, I don't.
Tommy The Burton

I forgot one of the main points of telling that I had a dream about the Rheostatics. Cause when I woke up and checked my email, I had an email from them saying that they had a new album coming out! [insert Bernard Herrmann music here.] Kinda creepy, huh? Kinda?

Steph did a lot of research on her post.

The word link reminds me of sausage...

I've had dreams where I wake up getting ready for school or whatever, then I have to wake up and do it again... then again, because I've only dreamed that I woke up.

I laughed pretty hard at the LunchBots site a few seconds ago. At the FAQ specifically. But I didn't ROTFL, because people don't really do that when they say they do. They don't really roll on the floor laughing. They don't ROTFLMAO either. They might ocassionally LOL, but I wish that they'd only write "LOL" when they're really LOLing... otherwise, you're abusing the power of the letters.

The last time I really ROTFL was when I saw Tom Green sing "Piggy Hill" for the first time. But I wasn't on the internet at the time, so I didn't have the opportunity to type in what I was doing. It might have been hard with all that rolling anyway.

I, like Jason, am usually not this talkative either. When Jason and I roomed together in college, we didn't need to talk since we liked the same TV shows. No one ever had to say, "I don't like this show. Could you please turn the channel?" Once I said "This is funny," but Jason told me "Shhhh." And then I got up in his bidness and said, "You got a problem with me, you say it to my face!" Then he kicked me squah in the nuts, which hurt, but I didn't let on... until he said, "That didn't hurt? Maybe you need to grow a pair." So I said, "I won't talk. I know Ernie's having girl troubles," and he thought that was funny, so all was well expect my nuts... which are hurting to this day.
Speaking of my previous bloggification about Brak, on this past week's new episode of Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast, his buddy Zorak mentioned that he'd recently been to our fair town of Hattiesburg! You know, given that in the latter part of the aforementioned episode Zorak went around having fun breaking glass, I wonder if he had anything to do with my car's window being broken out one night in Hattiesburg this summer. Coincidence? I think not.

Okay, I think I'm about linked out here.

I'll write about my dreams here if any interesting ones come along. I usually don't remember my dreams unless they're about something boring like checking the mail or washing the dishes or taking out the trash. Of course then I go through the day thinking I've already done those things, with much ensuing sitcom-like hilarity when I try to figure out why the mailman came twice, or how I filled up the trash again so quickly. I did have an unusual one recently that I wrote about in the Ultra-Super-Secret-Hidden-You'll-Have-To-Find-It-Yourself-Mystery Page of my LunchBots site.

My friend Amanda told me she had a fever the other night and woke up from a dream in a daze, thinking she had to go get some snakes for someone, wandering around confused for a few moments until she realized she was at home, not at the pet store where she works.

Oh, and hey back to ya, Steph and Rusty. And hey to the people I haven't met yet too... I'm not usually this wierd. Or talkative. Honest.

Friday, September 07, 2001

Hi Rusty hi Jason hi Danny hi everyone I haven't met! I bet I'm gonna have Jimmy Hoffa dreams all night now because I'm reading these posts about dreams and the news dude is saying all this stuff about finding Jimmy Hoffa's hair in some car in the mid-South and maybe if I'm lucky Hoffa will chase a hamster around, perhaps into the tailpipe of Stephin Merritt's rental car so that the underworld hipsters of Car Talk fans can save it or something.
Rheostatics Dream

I think I might start using this thing to post the dreams I can remember, and that are suitable for public domain. So if you too want to write out dreams that sound like "I dreamed that my sister and I were at the White House, only it wasn't the White House it was more like a Christmas Tree..." then you can.

Last night I dreamed that the Rheostatics came to Hattiesburg to perform, but that I could barely see them because my glasses were either off or not working good (I have bad eyesight dreams all the time). That was the end of the concert; it was an outdoor event, like on the football field or something. A lot of cool bands came, but the people in the stadium hadn't heard of them much, so it was only ten or so people who came close enough to really see them. Boss Hog (the band, not the Dukes of Hazzard character) got the best reception, with mostly girls going nuts and dancing around them. Nyleva was there for them.

When the Rheostatics came out, even when I got up close, they didn't look like they did in their pictures... they looked all old and completely changed: very tan. But, luckily, above their heads, they had name tags. Tim Vesely gave me a hug and I shook Dave Bidini's hand and I said, "I'm Rusty Spell," and he said, "What group are you in again? Your name sounds familiar." I told him I run their USA webpage and his eyes grew wide like he was happy and surprised, but then my alarm went off. I remember the dreams the most that I have in the thirty minutes I hit the snooze button... so it was really this morning more than last night.

It's cool dreaming in nine minute intervals, cause it's like little acts. Or like a short story collection where the characters are the same, but it's not a novel, just a series of stories that are kind of related. There. That's all I can remember.
Everbody's bloggin' away. Hey Nyleva, hey Jason. There's no "right" way to do this that I know of. Legend has it there's some hip underworld of bloggers, but we're not it. None of you are hip, or you wouldn't be my friends.

Holiday rules. It rules the school. My eyes roll in my head listening to the percussion on "Take Ecstasy With Me." Everyone here should buy The Magnetic Fields. A Stephin Merrit Link, so I can link and be cool like Jason.

My robot is called Bloggy McBloggerson... or Bloggy McGrew, I'm not sure which. He never told me. He's related to the Jason Bell Page robot, but I also think he's related to the robot "Kevin" from Saved By the Bell. Saved By the Bell. That's the subject of a 'nikcuS song. "One time Screech was an alien..."

"I'm toolin' around!" --Brak

Thursday, September 06, 2001

Hey, look at me, I'm blogging! (Bloggering? Bloggifying?) I'm writing things for Rusty's cool robot. Hey Rusty, I think your robot may be a relative of my robot. (or maybe a bootleg of him from Taiwan)

I'm watching the new Brak Show now. "I haven't had this much fun since I chased my hamster all the way to St. Louis!" Brak's as funny as he was during the old Cartoon Planet days. It's nice to see him getting over that mediocre phase in his career from when he had that short-lived variety show.
Thought I might see what you are up to with this thing. So, we're blogging now, are we? Well, step on my toe (not really because that would hurt) and call me stunned (not really that either since I probably wouldn't answer to it). Here's an interesting tidbit: I bought my very first Stephen Merritt/Magnetic Fields record the other day to have and hold and call my own (well, Eric bought it since he's that kind of guy). It's Holiday. I couldn't remember which one you said to buy first, so I just closed my eyes and picked that one off the shelf. I really do want 69 Love Songs now; Eric might try to find it sealed and cheap on eBay. We've been listening to the mixed tapes you made me a lot these days since we're driving the rental car and it only has a tape deck. aulde's cool. And now I hear Absolutely Cuckoo in my head all the time. So, I'll have to finally start buying up all S.M.'s music, starting with the M.F. I'm working on a mixed tape for you. So be looking out for it. Wait, I'll just bring it along when I come home next weekend. Is this really what you're supposed to do on a blog? Let me know if I'm off track.
This is Rusty Spell. And this is Rusty's Post-It Notes. It's a place for you to write stuff. So go ahead and write stuff. Anything that's not depressing. Even if it's boring, like the perfect number of shoes you need or why you hate these things you're writing on. If you'd like to join the fun and want to write fun post-it notes, too, write me at