Friday, March 29, 2002

Don't forget to watch the Osbourne family tonight on Jay Leno

Thursday, March 28, 2002

Tom Green

So I know that Tom Green isn't exactly everyone's taste, but there's no reason he should have won all the Golden Raspberry Awards, or "Razzies," the award for the worst movies (I would say the anti-Oscar, but those winners are usually so bad that it doesn't mean anything).

He won, for Freddy Got Fingered:

  • Worst Picture
  • Worst Director
  • Worst Actor
  • Worst Screenplay
  • Worst Screen Couple (for Tom and "any animal that he abuses")

He accepted his award, the by the way. Paul Verhoeven of the deserving Showgirls accepted his Worst Director once before.

Anyway, pick most any random movie, and it's worse than Freddy Got Fingered. Especially things that were mentioned that were apparently nominated, like Glitter (Mariah Carey--not that I've seen it) and 3000 Miles to Graceland, which I picked as worst movie of last year as well as one of the worst movies I've ever seen: one that wasn't just bad, but managed to insult and offend me, which doesn't happen often.

And as Carrie "Why Ape a Pretzel?" Hoffman said, and I said before too, it was original and different from anything else, which should be worth something.

Of course, I rank it up there with my favorite movies, and it's arguably the funniest movie ever made. And I'm really not too upset that it won, since the founder of the Razzies seems like an idiot asshole based on some of the quotes from the article I read, like "Tom Green set out to make something stupid and offensive. It's got bestiality, incest, child abuse. Uggh." Um, so do lots of "real" movies and stories. So, if John Wilson, the founder guy, is reading this, I'd like to publically call him an asshole.

I'll end with a list of the celebrities I can think of who I actually feel I love, if that's possible to love someone you haven't met, which I think is:

Tom Green
All The Beatles
Possibly The Osbournes

That's all I can think of. I'm not sure if I love David Lynch yet. I don't love Stephin Merritt, just his music. There might be one or two more, but I guess I don't love them enough to remember.

On a non-Tom Green subject, my glasses broke so I'm wearing my old ones which are huge and uncomfortable, but at least I can see. I'm getting a new eye exam tomorrow, since I probably need a new prescription anyway.

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

Wet Hot American Summer

I think I fell in a ditch with Tommy twice. One time I was driving, but he was there to cause it, cause some people are chick magnets, but he's a ditch magnet. MxPx should write a song about him.

Happy birthday to everyone, whether it's their birthday or not.

Nyleva probably mentioned Dressy Bessy, since I've gleefully watch her dance around the room to them before. Nyleva makes me happy when she dances.

Wet Hot American Summer is a movie everyone should see. It's a camp movie that doesn't have Edie McClurg in it, so that tells you how edgy and hip it is. It's got Janeane Garofalo. And Paul Rudd. And a zillion other people. I laughed me-hardily at it, and I don't laugh anymore or like anything anymore cause I'm a picky bastige.

My very last story ever for fiction workshop is up today, in about twenty minutes. And my very last reading at USM (as a student, anyway--I might get famous and come back) is Friday. The times they are a-changin'.
well wishes

Jason -- hope your thumb gets better, too! Same to Tommy regarding the ditch incident.

(And congrats to your sister, Jason.)

As for my birthday, I woulda forgotten, too, if it hadn't been for my dratted coworker, Deb, who made the whole class (including various EPA officials and assistant U.S. attorneys) sing happy birthday to me. After she had kept me out so late the night before that I was falling asleep in class. Embarassing. ;)

Did one of you here ever mention a band called Dressy Bessy, or am I just imagining that? They're in town next week.

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

"Ditches are bad. Mom always used to talk about the ditches."
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer quote

In case the secret government big brother computer system that monitors what we do and say on the internet is looking at this: I don't know what Tommy's talking about. I just let him borrow those DVDs to watch. Honest. He needs to go buy some DVDs of his own.

Ugh, I'm an idiot. I forgot about Steph's birthday last week while she was out traveling and helping to protect us from toxic chemicals and stuff. Hope you had a good one! (Hey, waitaminit... wasn't Danny's birthday last Wednesday, too? Or did we ever learn if Rusty was wrong about that?)

Monday, March 18, 2002

Ditches and stuff...
I'm still here, too. Somewhat. I feel that I've been so busy these days. What with me sleeping and working and occasionally watching a movie! Life is so hard. Yeah, right.
Jason, I hope the thumb recovery is going well. Cowboy Bebop is really really good. I enjoy it the most. Me and my illegally copied VHS copies. But they were copied from the the Jason Bell original DVDs, so that has to account for something.
I had a wreck the other night, I fell into a ditch. Big surprise. I'm gonna die in a ditch. Just make sure they burn me and throw my ashes into the river. A river is sort of like a big ditch anyway. A really really big ditch.
I'm alive, for now.
Tommy B.

Saturday, March 16, 2002

i'm here!

Though just temporarily! Spent a week in South Carolina learning how to better sue polluters! Now I'm in Somerville, Mass., eagerly awaiting a Death Cab for Cutie concert on Sunday! That's all I have to say!

Friday, March 15, 2002

Rusty the Ruler Is Still Here

I went two weeks without posting. Not sure if that's a record or not, but I know I talk a lot. The way stars get big is either by being elusive or being completely non-elusive. I'd have to go the second route, though they're usually the crappier ones like Whoopie Goldberg who I want to shoot when I see her ten times a day. Her motto should be "Whoopie'll Do It."

Spent "spring break" (it's all the same to me) doing more school work than my non spring break, hanging out with Lori and Barbara (part II), hanging out with the elusive (she'll take that route) Carrie, writing new songs (22:01 is the current running time; I'm shooting for 35-45 mins), and most recently watching almost all the bonus material for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Did I like the movie? Not really. I laughed at three or four things, and I didn't think it was completely terrible, so there you go.

We took Kiska to the vet today. He got shots. The vet said he should get neutered, but we're not sure we should bother his nut-sack and pink thing so late in his life. It would confuse him.

Yeah, boyee.

Thursday, March 14, 2002

Where'd Everybody Go?

Okay, Steph's flying all over the place, and there was that guy that almost died or something the other day, I know that much. But where's everybody else been lately? Am I alone here now? Hello? Hello? Echo!

Well, If nobody else will post here, I'll just have to. Once you see the last item in my blog here, maybe you'll wish I hadn't. Remember, you guys made me do it...

You Can All Stop Worrying

Nothing more happened to my thumb after Sunday.

Who Won?

Oh darn, I missed the Celebrity Boxing special Wed. night. Spent the evening hanging out with old high school friend Karen, watching Cowboy Bebop (which makes five people so far that I've managed to indoctrinate into the "Cowboy Bebop Is Really Really Really Good" Club), so I'm not complaining. I should kick myself though for not remembering to set the VCR to catch The Job that night.

That Other Place Some of Us Post To

Is it just me, or does the Bulky Mail Truck break down more often than my real-life truck does (which is a whole lot)?

Obligatory Buffy Reference

Regarding the ending of this week's episode: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I bet they're trying to drive us insane too...

Hello Kitty... Oh My!

In my research of bizarre and unusual Asian pop culture artifacts, I've heard tales of this legendary object from distant shores, but thought that it only existed in myth--that surely even those wacky Japanese marketing companies would not make such an item. I was wrong. It exists.

Scroll down a bit to find the infamous Hello Kitty Vibrat... erm... "Shoulder Massager"

"Hello Kitty" indeed.

Monday, March 11, 2002

I'd give my right thumb for some Dr Pepper right now

THURSDAY: I was cutting out a Dr Pepper coupon with my X-Acto knife (since I couldn't find my scissors) and accidentally made a long, shallow cut across my right thumb on the... what would you call it? Front? Underside? The side opposite the thumbnail, whatever that's called. Not bad, just bled a little and stung sorta like a paper cut. Not unusual either--I don't know any graphic artist who doesn't get a minor X-Acto cut at least once a month or so doing something stupid like that.

FRIDAY: I bought a new jacket for the formal dinner the night before my sister's wedding, and while cutting off the tags (yeah, with my X-Acto knife), I manage to stab myself below the cuticle on my right thumb. Again, not a bad cut, but it stung and bled some.

SATURDAY: My sister and new brother-in-law gave each of us men in the wedding party these nice pocket knives. (I'm sure you see where this is going.) After the wedding, I'm at home checking it out, and without realizing it manage to slice my right thumb on the side. No pain, but lots of blood this time.

SUNDAY: I seem to have a splinter deeply embedded in the other side of my right thumb, possibly from moving the tables and planters and stuff from the church after the wedding the day before. No blood, but quite painful.

What will happen to my thumb next? Stay tuned and find out.

(Oh yeah, did I happen to mention that my little sister got married this weekend? I'm happy about that, even if my thumb isn't.)

Thursday, March 07, 2002


I guess the disease he succumbed to in the stem cell episode did him in for good. Rest in peace, Kenny.

Or else they're just stringing us along for something big in the future... It's still funny either way, I think.

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

Dr. Turdbucket's Post-It Notes and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Discussion Forum

I forgot about that Simpsons episode with the lobster. Been a long time since I've seen that one.

It's official! Vanilla Ice will be on Celebrity Boxing, facing off against a special "Mystery Opponent." Who could it possibly be? Based on the other contestants, I think we can venture some guesses. Todd Bridges? Monica Lewinsky? O.J. Simpson? Abe Vigoda? The suspense is killing me.

Whoa, I just checked on the latest info before posting this, and I got it right on the first guess! It's Todd Bridges! Unfortunately, it also appears Amy Fisher's parole board won't let her do the show, and Paula Jones will be filling in. (And with that expensive new nose of hers too...

Because there hasn't been any Buffy-related discussion the past week or so, I just have to say that the Angel writers are evil. We've got over a month to wait for new episodes, and they give us not one, but two big-ass lives-in-the-balance cliffhangers to linger on. Oh, and it seems VH-1 has officially declared the Buffy movie to be a "Movie that Rocks."

I may have a major ninja-related announcement to make within the next week or so...

Saturday, March 02, 2002

Rock Lobster

Liza and I have both been disturbed by that commercial. I'm surprised they can get away with it. That's even worse than the earlier one where they're playing something like "Nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide..." and showing lobsters swimming as fast as they can in the water. I like hamburgers, but showing someone killing/bonding with the cow beforehand wouldn't make me want to eat them.

Anyways, they certainly made the lobster look cute in that commercial.

Everyone can officially call me Dr. Turdbucket now. I defended yesterday.
boxing tonya harding

Oh yes, I've heard. It *is* amusing! But I must resist the addictive (for me) forces of the teevee, at least for now. Spring has brought with it a bunch of bands to this area! (And I can finally afford to see them.) Belle and Sebastian will be here! I will see Death Cab for Cutie in Boston! So excited, so exciting. And I have so many books I still need to finish.

Jason--didn't you see the Simpsons episode where Homer bonds with this lobster he raised?
Steph's missing out on so much

Fox Plans Celebrity Boxing

Man, "celebrities" such as ill-tempered ice skaters, attempted murderers, and former child actors beating each other bloody for the world to see. Ain't TV great?

(Oh wow, and they're "said to be negotiating with rapper Vanilla Ice" for the show too. Hooray.)

And while I'm on the subject of distressing TV programming, I just saw a commercial where a man is staring at a lobster longingly, and the cute* little critter is reaching out lovingly with its claws to the man's hands on the tank, while "Happy Together" is playing in the background. Cut to people at a Red Lobster chowing down on lobster meat, gleefully ripping apart lobsters and consuming them. Now I'm no vegetarian or PETA member or anything, but I find that juxtaposition of images clearly disturbing.

*Yeah, so I think the big aquatic bugs are cute. Bite me.