Not To Be Outdone by Jason on His Own Robot, Rusty Responds

SPOOKY SPIDER.

I always wanted to win Most Witty in high school. I liked the anachronistic word. "Goofiest" would have been more appropriate, especially for those who won. People named Kool-Aid, etc. I won Most Talented, but I'd rather be witty. I always thought my talent was witty anyway.

When I rented Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie, I wondered why they simply stuck an un-funny episode (not much changes to TV show) on film and called it a movie. I guess that's the joke? That we're sitting in a theater watching shadowed heads sitting in a theater watching their own bad movie and making fun of it while we're wondering why we're watching this one. Some sort of postmodern humor?

I'll probably get The Princess Bride Special Edition one day, though I saw it so much when I was a teenager that I haven't really felt like watching that movie at all in several years. I killed it. I'd probably just watch the extra stuff and tuck it away for a decade or so from now, maybe to introduce it to my kids or something (not that I'm having kids).

Of course, I'll probably end up singing some Sifl and Olly songs soon. Someone tells me they saw my name on the bill for an upcoming Hattiesburg music event, so I guess I could play them then. Nov 13? 14? I think it's funny when other people know more about my life than I do. I've had to take a long break from pretending to be a musician to do real career stuff, which has made me sort of ill. Cough cough.

I still love Mapquest. My life outside this house is based on it.

Mulholland Drive was indeed good. I won't give any of it away. I didn't mind the audience as much as Tommy, who seemed to mind them more than he liked the movie.

FYI, time travel: Jason and I don't believe in time, only perception/movement/growth, etc. Tommy, however, thinks that you can see dinosaurs if you have a strong enough telescope. FYI, the nature of God: I think that if we only use 10% of our brains, then God must be using the other 90%, and that's why he's so smart.

Jason and I will choose an animated Olsen twin apiece to marry one day. And by "marry," I mean have sex with. We would with the real-life ones, but we're not perverts.

We had a mighty convoy. Wasn't she a beautiful sight?

I'm still waiting for explanations as to why we had to dig around in gravel before finally parking several miles away.

My advice for Lately David: play in my back yard next time. None of us will have to drive as much, and I can get more people. People will show up for anything in Hattiesburg, and people here love me. I have fans. I'm adored by several. I have no confederate flags, or any sort of flags. I'd advise against throwing basses or any other Pete Townshend goofinesses, though, since we like our trees and rosebushes. Rock and my grass doesn't go together. I like rock so little that I think I might even stray from listening to "rock" music in its broadest sense. Like, Enya is too rock for me. Charlotte Church is too rock. Nothing that has drums at all.

So if not my backyard, then maybe Hattiesburg. The place I play at ("play" meaning "have played once" and "will place at least once more soon") always has a crowd of folks, and you get MONEY! People are there regardless, drinking beer, etc. No rednecks. And even if they don't listen, they've paid their $4 or whatever. So, even though Tommy insists that Rusty = Fake Non-Musician because he doesn't play rock or like Neil Young and Tommy = Real Musician because he breaks instruments and likes bluegrass renaissance music, I'm giving my fake modest opinion on how to play to crowd and make cash and drive very little. Not be as cold either.

I missed It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown last night. Liza doesn't care, because when I saw the commercial, she said, "You can watch it by yourself." She's Scrooge. I should make her buy it for me.

I need to see Home Movies if it's like Dr. Katz, since that was one of my favorite shows ever. I used to have six hours worth of that show on tape, but now I think it's erased over with porn or something. Damn me for not labelling.

Click here to email Liza Marshall about Buffy tapes. I'm sure she'd love someone closer than Austin, TX to be a UPN Buffy Buddy with her.

Lately David Lynch

Okay, since nobody's bothered posting anything, I'm gonna post some more. Let's see how ya like that--remember, you made me do it!

Friday
So, Rusty picked me up that afternoon and we headed on up to Hernando, MS. We stopped at a McDonalds and spent a ridiculous amount of time waiting in the drive-thru. Made us reminisce about the Hattiesburg Taco Bell drive-thru. We listened to some Weezer and Rusty's home-made soundtrack album of songs from Sifl and Olly. (Songs recorded from the actual show and burned onto CD by Rusty, not one of those crazy things where Rusty entirely re-does a whole album himself, BTW.)

When we got to Danny's house, we all had chili dawgs and Halloween candy and goofed off until it was time to go to the movie. (Just me, Rusty, and Tommy) Rusty got the directions off of Mapquest, which insisted we take a slightly less direct route than necessary for some goofy reason. Mulholland Drive was very good. The audience wasn't. There were some moments similar to our experience when we saw A.I., where there were cell phones going off and people who laughed at things that weren't funny.

We got back to Danny's house and went to bed, but stayed up talking. We ended up figuring out stuff like time travel and the nature of God.

Saturday
I drew a picture of a LunchBot saying "ROCK!" for Tommy on the ammo box he uses for his rock accessories. Then I drew a picture on there of Optimus Prime saying "You've got the touch!" (which, for those who aren't aware, was Optimus's crappy theme song from the Transformers movie long before Marky Mark tried singing it in Boogie Nights). Tommy seemed very pleased with it.

Rusty and I discovered the wonderful Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen cartoon. They're secret agents saving the world from fashion-related crimes against humanity, and have extreme sports clothing-wearing guy friends and a talking Scottish terrier with--get this--a Scottish accent! And they teach us about math!

The trucks were loaded up and we left in our great big convoy to the big festival Lately David was playing at. I rode with Rusty again. We took the exit to Pope, MS, (just outside of Nowheresville) and drove down the road, which soon became a gravel road. Then it turned into a dirt road, and soon the convoy stopped and we all turned around. Nobody told us why. Were we giving up and going back home? Stopping for something to eat first? More weird Mapquest directions? The suspense was hanging heavy in the air.

Then we took some other route into the backwoods (I guess Stephanie and Danny had gotten us lost that first time). We eventually got to the "festival," which was, well... modest in size, to say the least. (I think that "backyard, woods, less than a dozen people and big flagpole with tattered Confederate flag" should paint an aaccurate enough picture of the place for you.) Lately David didn't care, however and proceeded to rock, despite the fact that just about all their audience except for me and Rusty (he was videotaping, I was photographing) stayed way off to the side of the stage near the bonfire keeping warm. Tommy was possessed by the spirit of rock toward the end as usual, and threw one of his basses off the stage.

Afterwards, Tommy, Rusty, and I all went back to Jackson, and we all lived happily ever after. The end.

Sunday
I watched the Invader Zim Halloween special (re-airing at a special time on Halloween at 8pm ET/7 CT on Nick) that I'd taped while we were away. I love this series. Sick, twisted, funny, and probably the only Nicktoon you'll ever see with H.P. Lovecraft references.

Talked on the phone a while with the lovely Amanda that I have blogged on about here before, who is coming into town this weekend, yay!

Watched Adult Swim. Home Movies has really grown on me in the same way that Dr. Katz did. Not surprising, since it's pretty much the same show.

Monday
Mondays suck. Except for new epsiodes of Angel.

Tuesday
Watched Buffy (reminder to self: talk to Rusty and/or Liza about borrowing/copying/exchange of Buffy & Angel tapes), then went with Tommy to try to find the CD shelves he wants. Didn't find those, but he ended up getting some CDs (big surprise) and I got another Gundam action figure (big surprise).

Stayed up late and wrote some in Rusty's Blog. In fact, I'm writing in it at this very moment!!! Scary, huh?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I'm sorry, blog bot!

Yeah, I sux. I don't want Mr. Bloggy McBloggerblog or whatever the hell his name is to die on us, so I'm posting here right now, even though I may not have anything witty to say. Or anything whitty for that matter. You know, I wonder if any of those people who were voted "whittiest" [sic] at our high school gave a whit about just what it was they were being voted. There were always people far smaller and more inconsequential than the ones who won the "whittiest" title. I think those votes were just a popularity contest anyway (except for "most popular" of course, which was purely based on behind-the-scenes political wheeling and dealing).

Man, you know when I'm one of the more frequent posters somewhere, then there's just something horribly wrong. Hey, all you new people on the team! Who are you? Post! Don't let Rusty's robot die!

Following up on a previous bloggerism of mine, the Space Ghost episode with Tenacious D has been postponed, new airdate yet to be announced.

I wish I could enjoy all the cool new DVD goodness that's out. At least I got to borrow Tommy's Episode Un DVD so's I could enjoy the Jar-Jarifficness of it all and discover all the bonus bloopers of Artoo falling over. And thanks to Rusty and Tommy I got to watch Freddy Got Fingered two nights in a row, which has now scarred me for life.

Unfortunately DVDs cost money, so I can't get all the hundreds that I want and still be able to do essential stuff like eat and build my Gundam army (which is now four mobile suits stronger thanks to the recent arrival from Japan of my beautiful Hyaku-Shiki, Gelgoog Cannon, Shin Matsunaga's Zaku, and Camouflage Zaku... as if anyone actually cares).

Here's a few of my most recent DVD acquisitions:
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie: Got a used, coverless copy off of Half.com really cheap, since it's out of print and most used DVD sellers sell it for at least 40 bucks, which is way too expensive for this DVD. Extras? IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN ACTUAL MENU! It's probably a miracle they even bothered to do chapter stops on the thing. Unfortunately there's a moratorium on the title that'll probably last forever because of a big dispute where Universal complained that Image Entertainment's pricing on their DVDs was way too low or something like that. I tell ya, the original retail price of $15 was TOO MUCH for this. Love the movie, though. Not as good as most of the TV episodes, sadly.

The Princess Bride Special Edition: This thing's just loaded with extras. Still have one of the commentary tracks and a couple of the four behind-the-scenes featurettes to watch. Glad I held off buying the standard edition.

Serial Experiments Lain Volumes 1 and 2: Great mind-@&#!ing anime series about a very-near-future world where the internet and technology have become so pervasive in everyday life that the lines between reality and the "Wired" world are blurring. Beautifully designed and disturbing visually and dramatically. I've never been so creeped out by the low-frequency hum of electrical devices. I need to hurry up and get the final two volumes.

Tenchi Muyo! In Love: Replacing my old VHS copy of this. It is of course the first animated feature film based on the Tenchi Muyo! anime series, which is one of the more popular shows of that peculiar Japanese sci-fi-fantasy-dramatic-action-adventure-romantic-epic-sitcom genre.

That's all I gots fer now. Friday night Rusty and I travel to Memphis to meet up with Tommy and company and go see Mulholland Drive, followed by the big(?) festival Lately David is playing at on Saturday. Yay!

Who Sux?

We all do. Let's not let the Post-It Notes die! People check this faithfully for whittinessisms, and they need their whittinessisms, don't they? Yes, they do. But you gotta do it for me, cause I don't have time right now. Sleepy me. Sleep sleep, snore.

DVD Heaven

All the DVDs that have come out in the past few whatevers:

The Simpsons: Season One: Good stuff. First season not as un-funny as we remember, though still not hernia funny like later seasons. Commentary and other extras nice.

Snow White: Watching this and then seeing The Emperor's New Groove for four seconds on TV made me realize how far Disney has sunk since the late 30s. Snow White is good, though my favorite Disney movies are still probably Fantasia, Bambi, and Pinnochio. I've waded through some of the extra stuff, but not nearly all. So far, so good. It's got one of those Walt "commentaries" like in the Fantasia DVD that comes from various recordings and notes. Haven't listened to yet, but it was the best thing about the Fantasia extras.

Star Wars I: Just bought today. Haven't watched. School and teaching and job searching and comp studying and crap like that are interfering with my real life of media. Poop. But I like the stupid movie, even though it's got Jar-Jar too much. I asked Liza if she wanted to watch it with me this week, and she said, "Can we fast forward through the Jar-Jar Binks parts?" I said, "We could get through it in twenty minutes." Maybe less. Apparently, there's like six hours worth of extra stuff, so I should just take my time with it.

Freddy Got Fingered: The most anticipated DVD release of the year (by me, at least--maybe only by me), this actually doesn't come out until the 23rd, but Tommy called me from Wal-Mart the other night at midnight saying that they set out a display for it, and he bought one. Apparently, only the Pearl, MS Wal-Mart released it, since it's not at our Wal-Mart or anywhere else I've seen. I wonder how they got away with breaking the street date by a week and a half. Anyway, I'm not in a hurry to get it, since I will want to dedicate my life to it when I do and I don't have time yet. The funniest movie ever made? Yeah, probably.

The Godfather Trilogy: Don't have this because it costs a lot. If you want to get it for me for Christmas, you can ("you" meaning "all of you"--if you pitch in, it shouldn't be too much apiece).

The Stanley Kubrick Collection: Even more than the Godfather, you should get me this. It will take about sixty more dollars worth of pitching, but whoever pitches can have a festival with me.

Cannibal! The Musical: This isn't new, but it's new to me. I bought it and some South Parks the other day to help complete my Trey Parker collection. Tommy and Todd and I laughed our skinny butts off. Everyone should see.

Fun With Numbers: One day Noby will be technological enough for us to make our own DVDs, and then we'll put Fun With Numbers and Tuesday Afternoon Pre-Recorded and Rusty Spell's Videoland and all the other stuff we've made that's currently suffering in VHS hell onto the format of the future and clean it up all nice and good, adding the Jabba the Hut scenes to all those places we originally wanted to put it.

BVD: The undewear I like to wear when I watch DVDs, since it rhymes and since that's what my dad calls DVDs (not sure if he's joking or not).

Laserdiscs: I never had one of these. I figured they wouldn't catch on.

Divx: The stupidest format ever.

8-Track: Everyone makes jokes about 8-tracks, but they kinda were deserving of having jokes made about them.

Back to the Future: I'll be glad when this is on DVD, since Noby and I reference it almost every day of our lives.

Sludge: A word that isn't used too much anymore.

Carrie Hoffman: Person who's short story I'm about to read, along with three others. It's already half past midnight, so I'll be up late when I should be (ready for the looparound?) watching DVDs!

R U S T Y S P E L L

Welcome, Lurkers

You know who you are. Some of you are people who have official clearing to write on Rusty's Post-It Notes, and some are just people who want to be, but are afraid to ask. Or that don't want to be, and would be afraid to ask if you did want to be, because you know that I am the all-powerful Oz.

So pay no attention to that skinny dork behind the monitor.

Blast from the Past for the Day: Mousersize.

It's Me Again

Friday night, 12 Oct 2001, I'm doing a fiction reading. I'm reading two short pieces. Afterwards I will get lots of love and kisses.

"I love Cheesy Poofs. You love Cheesy Poofs."

Did you know that your mama was a pelt? Did you know that?

RUZZLE SUXCKS.

Rusty's Not Dead

Rusty... overcoming tiredness leading to sickness from show and school and various other factors... returns.

Never thought about Jason's point about adding new Smurfs, but it's an excellent point. Of course, none of those Smurfs were children or a grandpa, so I guess that's why they did it. The thing I mostly think they went nuts with was focusing on Johan and Peewit ("Hey, let's use those gay guys from the movie!").

Thirsty Thirsty Hippos is funny. I'm even more famous now, being recognized. "You're Rusty Spell!" I even heard someone today talking and saying, "Who's this Rusty Spell guy I'm hearing so much about?" Then someone pointed me out, though I wanted them to just keep on talking, so I could be a fly on the wall about myself.

Ya ya.

Thursday night



Noby, Tommy, and I went down to Hattiesburg Thurday night to see the big show at The Thirsty Hippo. Rusty put on a very entertaining and bootylicious show that night. Thomas Jackson brought out the rock after that, which was also quite enjoyable.

Hell Comes to Braktown

Also related to Thursday night, from the This Should Be Something To See department: Tenacious D, the quaint little musical act whose album we listened to on the ride down to Hattiesburg, will be appearing on the October 28/November 1 episode of Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast, entitled "Sweet for Brak." And yes, according to reports of an advance screening at a comic convention, they actually perform their touching love song "F*** Her Gently" on the episode. I think it's safe to say there will be some bleeping of words.

That's all I have time to talk about tonight. I have to get back to playing Puzzle Bobble games now. Those games are evil--more evil than Tenacious D, even.

Good luck Rusty on your Thirsty Hippo performance!

No headline.

I had to turn down Tommy's offer of going north this weekend to Hernando to hang out with the band and some hot babes he said might be there. But it's all good, because I got to spend the weekend a little less north at my hot babe friend Amanda's house, having fun with friends, watching movies, eating pizza and mexican food, trying to find a store in the area that sells heavy outdoorsy jackets that aren't camo-patterned, and playing with dogs and cats and other various furry, feathered and scaled critters.

Aaaah! I can't believe I forgot about Tron and Zaxxon! I played both way more than Xevious, so I guess one should probably replace #10 on my list. Tron probably. I remember Zaxxon being a little too slow-paced for my tastes. Centipede and Millipede get honorable mentions too.

Ah yes... Mame. Great fun way to waste your life away.

In the old video game magazines I used to look at the '80s, they would have advertisements for arcade-style game cabinets that you could mount a tv set and your Atari 2600 or ColecoVision or whatever in, so it would look like you were playing a real arcade game. I always thought something like that would be neat to have. Hurry up, Noby.



A while back (before I could find an arcade emulator that would support Bubble Bobble ROMs) I bought the PC version of Bubble Bobble from the Office Depot bargain bin. It's a pretty faithful adaptation of the arcade game, except for a stupid stupid stupid glitch that prevents you from playing the "Super Bubble Bobble" rounds. (See, after you beat the game once, you get to go through it all again, but with tougher monsters.) It did come with Rainbow Islands, which was my first encounter with that game. (My initial thought seeing R.I. and trying to play it without having any idea what I was getting myself into: "What the $@#%!?!?")

I watched the Smurfs up until they started going nuts adding new Smurfs to the village. I thought it seemed really lame the way they did that instead of simply giving personalities to the 80 or so nameless Smurfs that were never given anything to do.

I had a dream the other night that I actually could remember. I was at Disneyworld, and I went for a ride on the Return of the Jedi Speeder Bike Ride. I was a little disappointed that you didn't ride replicas of the actual speeders from the film, but stood on a hovering platform with a motorcycle-like steering column on front. It was the last ride at Disneyworld (because apparently you now go through all the rides at the park one right after another in a specific order--it cuts down on the waiting in lines), so after zooming around the big redwood forest they have there in Orlando, I headed to the register at the checkout and paid my bill (hey, it was only six bucks and change!). I was hungry, so I walked on over to the grocery section they have at the exit. I picked up a jar of salsa, then looked down at it, and it had changed into a jar of salad dressing. That was okay, because we were out of thousand island at the house anyway. There were giant (about three times normal size) unpackaged Hostess Cupcakes sitting there in the salad bar. Turned out they weren't really made by Hostess--one of those cheaper store brands like those "Cream Fingers" Twinkies substitutes Tommy, Danny, and I had that one time--but they looked really good, so I grabbed one that was iced properly (there were some that had the little white swirly line in the wrong place, and some with more than one). With my cupcake and my salad dressing in hand, I headed out the door and woke right up.