Wednesday, May 28, 2003

I, Robot, Am Dead

This will be the last entry to Rusty's Ranting Robot. I will not delete the blog, but I'm not linking it from my site, and no one will be allowed to further contribute. I feel that the following lyrics to the song "Jed the Humanoid" by Grandaddy will explain why the robot is dead.

Last night something pretty bad happened.
We lost a friend.
All shocked and broken.
Shut down exploded.

Jeddy 3 is what we first called him.
Then it was Jed.
But Jed's system's dead.
Therefore so is Jed.

We assembled him in the kitchen.
Made out of this and
Made out of that and
Whatever was at hand.

When we finished Jed we were so proud.
We celebrated,
We congratulated,
At what we'd created.

Jed could run or walk or sing or talk and
Compile thoughts and
Solve lots of problems.
We learned so much from him.

A couple years went by and something happened.
We gave Jed less attention.
We had new inventions.
We left for a convention.

Jed had found our booze and drank every drop.
He fizzled and popped.
He rattled and knocked.
And finally he just stopped.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

We Aren't the Robots

I'm considering destroying the robot. Anyone think this is a bad idea?

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Publish or Perish in the Fiery Pits of Regret and Confusion

Tommy and I were talking last night about how we could make a million dollars if we changed the lyrics of Hank Williams Jr.'s "A Country Boy Can Survive" to "America Can Survive" and other appropriately-topical lines, and then Tommy turns on CMT tonight and Hank has already done it, playing to a screaming crowd, singing all the lyrics we came up with.

"Someone keeps repeating what I said one million years before it's said. It doesn't make me feel good."

Liam Lynch, the guy from Sifl and Olly (the sockpuppets, remember?) released a record last month. He included an hour and a half DVD with it. On the DVD, he turned to me and said, "I'm making all this stuff at home. I don't want to sound like everybody else's crap, so I'm just doing it myself. So I want to let you know, since you probably make stuff yourself, that you can do that and people will put it out for you." He told me that, honest. You can watch the DVD yourself and he will tell you too. If you make stuff. If you don't, maybe that part of the DVD won't show up.

It made me both inspired and depressed.

With a little extra initiative, I'm sure we could be living in a world where 'nikcuS is considered "influential" and "seminal." I'll try harder in the future, ladies and gentlemen.


Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Taco-Flavored Kisses

My psychic link with the South Parketeers is two weeks in a row now, since I've always been personally offended by that "Jenny from the Block" song. There's no excuse for making that song. She deserves a lot worse than they gave her on the show.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Rusty the Psychic / Rusty Just Agrees with Jason Again

Ding dong, the witch is dead anyone?

I noted the South Park thing. The best song, of course, from that episode was Cartmans "Cause I hate Stan and Kyle... I really hate those guys..."

I also noted the Daily Show thing. I meant to write his quote here (since I'd taped it--it saves me having to sit through ten minutes of commercials to just watch it after it's over... which is what I'm doing for most of my shows--I'm my own Tivo). I felt psychic again when he said that after I'd commented, since it was the perfect representation of that balance that I love.

I suppose this isn't an entirely new thing to hate, but I really do hate when people can easily just pick their "sides" because they already know which side they're on and what the rules for that side are: this goes beyond politics, of course, and extends to clothes to wear, wallpaper to hang, books to read, music to listen to, cars to buy, etc. etc. etc. Just kind of a dull way to live, believing there are things to do and not do based on some little group you want to be in.

Back in the days of manual windows, I was a lot faster at rolling them down than the electric kinds are. I kind of like the one-time push-to-slide-down feature, but when I have to actually hold the button and wait for it to slide up, it's an impatient agony. "Jeez, take one and one half seconds, why don't you?"

Saturday, April 12, 2003

War. Hunh. Good god, y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing... except maybe for stopping evil genocidal dictators who torture and murder lots and lots of innocent people.

(Disclaimer: Yes, I do realize that the current situation and the real reasons and events leading up to it are far more complicated and morally, politically, and legally controversial than that. I just couldn't resist the joke, given the topic of the discussion and my cynical nature.)

That "Have You Forgotten" song made me genuinely confused. I was like, "What the hell kind of anti-war protestors has this guy been listening to? He's responding to nonsensical arguments that people aren't even making..."

Rusty, you must be psychic or something, seeing as how the whole lame-pro-war-country-songs vs. lame-anti-war-rock-songs thing got brought up on South Park the next day.

Agreed on your point about The Daily Show. I liked that bit Jon Stewart said the other night: something along the lines of how if you can't feel the least bit happy that the Iraqi regime is no longer opressing the people, you're hopelessly lost to the extreme left, and if you can't understand that it's bad that it had to come about through war, you're hopelessly lost to the extreme right.

And on a more non-serious note...

You know what I wish someone would invent? I wish there were some kind of method for manually raising and lowering the windows in a car. For all those inevitable times when the electric motors or wiring or window switches stop working, which almost always seems to happen on the front driver's side door. If only they could start putting devices like that in new cars, that'd be great. Someone should try to figure out how to make that work. Maybe that guy who created the Segway scooter is smart enough to think of a way.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

I'm All War Out

Rusty had a good time too. It's fun to lose at Acquire, too, though I usually don't learn that, since I rock the Aquire boat.

What, our government has done something? Really, though, the main thing to talk about in a time of war is... war songs:

I've heard a handful of these, both pro and anti war. For the most part, I think they all suck and that both sides are incredibly naive. All of the pro war songs I've heard are country songs. Garth Brooks has one called "Iraq and Roll." The best (worst?) one is the "Have You Forgotten?" song where he says "I haven't forgot Bin Laden," as if he has anything to do with this at all. But then you get crap like Lenny Kravitz for the anti side (something to the effect of "I want peace" said twenty times in a row), and that's possibly even more horrible.

The thing is this: Most war songs favor the message over what should be a key ingredient, that these are still songs and should be good. Anyone who says "You have to listen to the words to like the song" is missing the point of a song. If someone writing a war song isn't concerned with the goodness of their song, then they should write a poem--or better, an essay. If the argument is that people will hear the radio and that's how their anti/pro war message gets across to the masses, then it's even more important that the song be good.

I heard the new R.E.M. protest song (called "The Final Straw," which is available on their website) and they seem to be a nice exception here. The song isn't the greatest R.E.M. song ever, but it's not a bad song. In fact, it's even better than a war song because it doesn't make any specific references. In fact, if you didn't know any better, you might not know it's a war song at all--which is a plus... certainly in terms of lastability. R.E.M.'s always been pretty good about this, about making good political songs, songs which surpass the time/event they are singing about and go on to be classic in their own rights. Bob Dylan did a few of these (but he had some duds too).

(R.E.M., by the way, is coming to Austin in September. Also to New Orleans on their tour. And some other places that people reading this might be near.)

Celebrities and war is kind of annoying to me anyway. They have as much right as any other US citizen to say what they want, but the fact that they already have a pre-created stage for speaking their mind is kind of unfair to less famous people who probably have smarter things to say, either for or against... or--shudder to think--somewhere in the middle (since really what I'm annoyed by is people jumping quickly to their pre-prescribed "right" sides depending on what is the always-already popular/acceptable thing to say). I haven't heard too many smart, balanced celebrities. Jon Stewart, perhaps? The Daily Show in general seems to be the smartest thing on television right now concerning the war, certainly more than the 24 hour news networks (and I'm not just talking about Geraldo).

Hey look, an actual rant. Possibly I shall transform this into a We Like Media essay.

Woodie Guthrie.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

Practically Impenetrable

Eric and I had a kewl time with Rusty and Liza this weekend. Remember, Rusty, next time dinner's on you. Really.

Some things I learned over the weekend:
It is possible to care too much about speakers.
It is fun to win at Acquire.
It is important to pay attention to what your government is/is not doing.

Sleepwalkers are people too.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

The Only Carnation I Know About Is My Instant Breakfast

I agree with ya, Jason. I more or less believe in the collective unconscious in all of its forms, and that various "spirits" (however you want to define that) go from thing to thing. Which maybe sounds just as far-fetched as reincarnation, but yeah I see what you mean about people automatically jumping to reincarnation.

I really don't drink those instant breakfasts anymore, though. I lied about that. In high school, I was convinced that I was William Blake in a past life, even though I've never believed in reincarnation.

Ghost Dog.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

What's the deal with leaping to conclusions about reincarnation?

Because I'm sure it's still fresh on everyone's minds, back on the subject of the possible afterlife fates of Nell Carter, her vacuum cleaner, and the goldfish, what's the deal with all the assumptions people make about reincarnation? People point to all these past-life-regressions in hypnotherapy as evidence of reincarnation, but how do they know it's that and not something else? Even the term "past life regression" is a major assumption in itself. How do they know that it isn't some bit of genetic memory passed down from one of their ancestors that's being accessed? How do they know they're not tapping into some collective human subconscious, and stumbled across the preserved thoughts of some random person who lived a long time ago? How do they know they're not simply psychically peering into the memories of a ghost? So many possibilities, and yet everyone seems to automatically assume that they're that person's soul reborn into a new body. I don't get it.

And I remember one time reading an article or seeing a report on tv about some small village somewhere where a woman's son died, and the day after the funeral, a giant lizard (like a gila monster or a big iguana or something) crawled into the house and started living there. Everyone claimed it was the reincarnation of the woman's son, since it came to that house and it ate all of his favorite meals and stuff. Didn't anyone bother to ask how the lizard could possibly be his reincarnation, when the lizard was obviously born long before the guy had died? Any rational person would have realized that it was obviously either a normal lizard that had been possessed by the disembodied spirit of the dead son, or a freeloading lizard scam artist who was tired of living in the wild and wanted to live the good life we humans have. Or maybe that her son's mind was transferred into the body of the lizard by a mad scientist before the human body died. Geez! It's so obvious!

Monday, March 10, 2003

So, anyway...


Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Don't You Know That I Work Hard/Don't You Know That I Play Hard

Liza is the jobomatic-fanastic.

Will Oldham
Good News!

Today I accepted a job at Steck-Vaughn Publishing here in Austin. I will be an Adoptions Contract Specialist. I'll be dealing with schools and book orders and contracts. My understanding of things is pretty vague right now, but I'll learn. My first day is Monday.

Yay for me!

Tuesday, February 25, 2003


Texas is weird. Late yesterday afternoon, Mother Nature decided to pull one of her funny tricks. It got really cold and started sleeting. By the time I got out to my car to go home, it was covered in a layer of ice. It took me 2 hours and 20 minutes to drive 15 miles home from work.

Half of Austin is shut down today. The roads are covered in ice, so is my balcony.

The part that makes this weather so crazy is that all weekend I was wearing short-sleeved shirts, and I ran the air conditioner in my car on Saturday afternoon.

It is currently 24 degrees.

On a positive note, I can finally say that I have seen "Hard Day's Night."
I'm the famous Shirley Manson.

Friday, February 21, 2003

I'm Famous and I'm bringing Rusty with me.

Oh, and here's an article about the power of the Google.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Orisinal is indeed cute. I played the piggie game.

What's the deal with Google? They're quietly going to become the next Martha Stewart or something.

Liza is the jobbie girl.

And to Jason from Homer: "Now, Lisa, don't ruin another Love Day." (But yeah, I get kind of pissed at Valentine's, Mother's Day, Father's Day, sometimes Easter, and often Christmas myself. Holidays should probably be about as commital as Columbus Day.)
For Carrie, a stranger I didn't mean to offend

I wasn't humbugging your Valentine in particular, just the massive scheme manufactured by the greeting card/flower/chocolate/jewelry/military-industrial complex to force some people to have to buy their products at least one day a year and leave the rest with a reminder of their loneliness forced in their faces holiday in general.

(Though I still maintain that bird-like and bat-like wings are the most plausible and least visually-incongruous types of wings for humanoid bodies. At least they're warm-blooded animals with endoskeletons, like humans.)

For Liza, my Buffy-discussion buddy
Good luck on your interview!
Oh, yeah.

Who has a job interview tomorrow?

It's me, it's me.
For Jason Bell, a stranger who hum-bugged my special Valentime

a new valentine from the gallery of creepy valentines

Also, did everyone know that this blogger thing is now owned by my beloved Google?

Monday, February 17, 2003

pure cuteness

Almost everything at

Friday, February 14, 2003

Cherubim should not be depicted with butterfly wings

I look at that picture and expect to see feelers, antennae, compound eyes, pointy mandibles, and other insect parts bursting out of their skin. On the other hand, that might look cool...

Bah humbug, everyone!
hope you get stabbed in the butt by a fat cupid this Valentine's Day

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Orange You Glad We're Living In Such Wonderful Times?

Happy end of the world everyone! :)

Friday, January 31, 2003


Missed your birthday. Happy happy! To go with the Kikkoman links, check out some shawnimals.

Thursday, January 30, 2003


You wish you knew.

Either I told you that puberty is a kind of potato chip, or you are reading my mind.

Puberty is a brand of potato chips.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

I was having dreams of sugar pastries...

I don't know when the next Rusty Spell show is, but all my fans are awaiting me, I'm sure. Not hungry enough to buy my new records, of course, but at least peckish.

What's really amazing is that Kikkoman looks like Noby, loin cloth and all. Most of you haven't seen Noby since he died and rose from the dead (only to remain just as silent), but his head looks like a fish now.

Thanks for everyone's many happy returns, especially Nyleva who brings her warm beauty to the cold robot once again.


I finally listened to the Kikkoman songs, and it's amazing how 'nickuS like a song it is. With Noby singing, of course.

Kiska says Happy Birthday, too.

(Actually, Kiska says 'woof woof,' but that translates to happy birthday da-dee.)

Rubby Bulbs, 28, etc.

That ain't worth Kangaroo Jack

Happy Birthday, Rust-a-roo.

Krunk it up.
Happy Birthday, Rusty Spell.

Presents await you in Austin.

I'm da luv.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

You know...

As I was watching that Kikkoman clip, I was actually thinking, "Gee, this would be an interesting song to hear Rusty do a cover of."
I hope you're going to wear that attractive loincloth in your show

But you may have to participate in a shavedown first, and that may traumatize the children.

When is the next Rusty Spell show, anyway?
Show me. Show you.

Everyone listen for my cover of "Kikkoman" at the next Rusty Spell show. I'll let someone else do "Banana and Shrimp," because I am not foolish.

Monday, January 27, 2003

Destroy all foreign sauces

English version of "Fight! Kikkoman"

Spinoff starring Banana and Shrimp

The nearest thing to an explanation I could find
not about the dead

Though there is some fish imagery in here. Check this website out. I really don't know what to say. It helps if you have sound.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

We have a blog? Oh yeah... that's right.

Now let's not jump to any conclusions here... Nell Carter could actually be sucking up Hell's goldfish with a vacuum. (Or perhaps being sucked up into a vacuum by Hell's goldfish.) Or she could be sucking up reincarnated goldfish with a vacuum in her next reincarnation. Or she could be sucking up the ghosts of goldfish with the ghost of a vacuum while wandering the earth as a ghost. Lots of possibilities there.
We See Dead People

Thank goodness celebrities die, or else this no one would ever post to the Blog.
yes, she's sucking up heaven's goldfish with a vacuum hose.

people should read more google entertainment news.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Huh? Did Nell Carter die?

Gimme a Break!
may she rest in peace

joey lawrence on hearing the news: "woah!"

Saturday, January 18, 2003

What's Happenin'!!!

I realized the other night that the central moment in my life was the episode of What's Happenin'!!! when Rerun bootlegged the Doobie Brothers concert and his tape player fell out when he was dancing on the front row.

Friday, January 17, 2003

We Defy Gravity at Graceland

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

The Bunnies May Be Dead, But The Robot Is Living

This is the longest week of my life. The proof is, it's still Tuesday. Waking up early screws me up.

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

no no, robot, don't die!

See some pictures here, instead.

Some samples:


Oh, and the author's explanation.

Friday, January 03, 2003

Happy 2003

From all of us at the Almost-Dead Robot to all of you... happy new year.